graceland

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Graceland

Hello, my name is Orhan Kahn and today we are going to discuss black people. Born a Muslim and raised a Christian, that’s pretty much my life resume in one sentence. When it comes to black people, well, their life resumes usually go along the lines of century’s of slavery then suddenly President of the free world. Our dear friend Woozie is only my second major contact with the world of black people and even then it really is a flawed science. For example, my ex-fiance was black woman, but she was Indian and we all know Indian blacks aren’t classed as blacks but as brown-to-the-max. Then you have Woozie here, who is more British and French than he is American or African. And while I love him for his unique clusterfuck of nationalities (seriously, what kind of black man quotes The Beatles as if it were scripture?) I am often mislead by his middle class persona that has me calling lesser types niggers and expecting them to just deal with it. Apparently that isn’t how society works. Nonetheless, if I could call anyone a good friend, even with such a great distance between us, I would and do consider him a brother. I’ve seen the little negro leave home and enter university and return home and lose his fucking mind. Which brings me to ACT II.

When Woozie returned home to his mothers abode two months ago I shrugged off the significance of the trip for two reasons, I was embroiled in a drug relapse and I had no idea summer holidays for American folk went for, well, the entire summer. That shit is bananas. You get six weeks here in Australia, and free medical attention. We also don’t have school shootings, but hey, that’s a whole other post. Anyways. So, while I was dealing with a massive amount of drugs in my system and the drama that was surrounding my own life I didn’t really spare a thought for our dearest Woozie. Then I sobered up, pushed aside most of the drama and sat down with him…and my God, is this guy a fucking drama queen magnet or what! About a year ago I told him that he is a good person who can be treated easily as a social sponge in times of need, so to be careful of who he lends himself out to. In his own words, “Orhan Kahn, you were right.” Normally that would give my ego an erection so large that my own body couldn’t contain it, but with Woozie I never felt that erection, as much as he would’ve liked. Which brings me to the glorious ACT III.

This poor young man has been cooped up in his mothers home for the most part of the ballsack-stuck-to-your-thigh summer where his only form of intellectual stimulation has come from me challenging his blackness against his gayness. Alongside that he has had to deal with falling in love with someone who doesn’t love him back the way he would like (and no, I’m not talking about me, even though I’d marry the fucker in a second if I wasn’t so jealous about his dick size). Also, there is his grandmother who has made his nearby walking space her own personal toilet due to dementia – which I somehow made him cry about. No, I’m not sorry. Then we have a set of bike tires he can’t inflate, a pull out sofa bed that is made of fail, no privacy to jack off whenever he pleases, no way of getting wasted due to his mothers selection of plastic bottled booze, the 12lbs he has gained and the bullshit matter of people turning to him at the worst possible times in their lives. Personally I think he is making it all up, but the same could be said about me and that time I called his brother a nigger and survived. Thank God for the Pacific Ocean.


24
Manifestos:


Woozie
said…

15 seconds in. Fifteen. What the fuck is this shit.

Orhan Kahn
said…

Reh Dogg just wants to know why must he cry.

WHY!


BBC
said…

If you go anywhere in an airplane and it starts falling out of the sky from fifteen thousand feet stick your dick in a black lady.

The black box is the first thing they look for, he he he.


Anonymous
said…

this site has gome from interesting political discourse a year ago to full blown homosexual exchanges. Orhan here with the super queer teddy bear giving all the come-hither-rectum look only continues to reinforce and encourage homosexuality through seeming to be satiric parlance, which shouldn't be mentioned even in a mere quib.

two queerdos are totally deprecating the word "communism" here

i'll come back when this site gets a good dose of testosterone injection, but first it must be fumigated with a tinge of morale and decency

if not, adieux

Jeb Bush 2012

-V


wigsf
said…

What kind of black man quotes the Beatles?

The kind that hasn't heard of the Clarences, man!


Rachel
said…

To Anon: NOBODY, not even the brilliant queen that is Woozie can maintain a constant spew of political analysis and snark.

To Orhan: six weeks vacation? Good god, thats terrible. Free Medical care? That's full of commie! No school shootings? So how do angry young men prove their manhood Down Under? With flowers?


you disappoint me
said…

i'll come back when this site gets a good dose of testosterone injection, but first it must be fumigated with a tinge of morale and decency

Jeb Bush 2012


That is absolutely hilarious!


you disappoint me
said…

How nice…seems The Mysterious V is my neighbor.

I just mentioned yesterday that Manhattan has turned into Cleveland.


billy pilgrim
said…

poor guy cooped up with his mother???


get a fucking job!


Anonymous
said…

Mark my words. Some day, some how, you are going to get burned by this clown.


Anonymous
said…

YouDisappointMe must be a fellow minion of Woozie or a diehard activist of the LGBT movement. I don't know how you tracked me but please refrain from using vulgar language

-V


you disappoint me
said…

I "tracked you" because you left a comment at BBC's you fucking moron.

I don't have to be a minion or a diehard anything to recognize a closet case and a hate monger. Unlike you I don't feel the need to rid the planet of variety and choice.

Live free or die, Ecuador.


Orhan Kahn
said…

Unsuccessful troll is what? That's right, unsuccessful.


BBC
said…

I "tracked you" because you left a comment at BBC's you fucking moron.

Yet she visits my blog and reads the comments. Does this also make her a fucking moron? He he he.

I wouldn't put much stock in what she says, she thinks she is more special than the rest of us.


V
said…

woozie knows who i am, and i have revealed my identity before. But to prevent hormonal laden bitches on the rag from coming over and spewing their irrelevant comments, i seek anonymity.

She's just some insecure spinster bitch who finds the need to be heard. speaking of anonymity who sets their blog to private and hides their face. and stop stalking me, following me around wherever i comment…im dating someone right now. Sorry.

BBC maybe she's in need of a good pounding, you seem a bit deprived these … i'll give you the honors…maybe thats what she needs to be set straight

-V


Omar
said…

America, fuck yeah!


Fire Rabbit
said…

Leslie and Billy, two wipper snappers that inocently commented on the wrong blog were found totally free of guilt that plauges the average American mind.


you disappoint me
said…

V, everything about that comment screams "latent homosexual" and "homicidal maniac". Nice job!

I know you're dating someone but I think BBC is ok with open relationships.


Fire Rabbit
said…

I bet Leslie isn't against two sticks at once, perhaps you should schedule a M nage trois.


Omar
said…

Unfurl the flag, V, luck just kissed you hello.


just me
said…

Maybe he cries because of his teeth…when I get dentures, I'm getting me some metal ones…

The only thing that bothers me here is the N word, and that's just because I remember when Mississippi was burning….


Omar
said…

They are Caped Crusaders who claim to be taking back the night. Pfftt…


unokhan
said…

how is chandi anyway


Orhan Kahn
said…

She and I are doing great, thanks for asking 🙂