just another mitt romney rant

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Just Another Mitt Romney Rant

They say that what the mind doesn’t know anything about, the mind is afraid of.

The other day I caught the tail end of Mitt Romney’s address at the American Conservative Union’s annual conference, CPAC. As I usually do with Mitt Romney speeches, I wasn’t giving the man my full attention because I was also busy strangling puppies. It helps control my rage and their yelps help muffle some of the more offensively stupid things he utters.

As I was making my way through my sixth Pomeranian, Mittens had a notable applause line. It was something about liberals (surprise, surprise) saying America “dictates” to other nations. Romney contended that liberals need to study their basic history better because America is the country that frees millions from dictators, not the country that tells other people what to do. I think “basic” is the operative word in the first part of that sentence.

In my high school history classes America’s behind-the-scenes dictatorial ways were as standard a part of the curriculum as the Great Depression and Reaganomics. People, even myself once upon a time, sometimes say the idea of an American Empire is bullshit because we don’t have an imperial power system and we don’t exercise direct control over other people. That is a terribly basic way of looking at things; the truth of the matter is the American Empire works through indirect influence and arm-twisting to achieve the motherland’s ends through damn near any means necessary. This has been an continuous and integral part of United States foreign policy since the days of William McKinley and the Spanish-American War. Any historian capable of reading and writing will not say otherwise. Sounds like a neomarxist intelligentsia conspiracy to trash America’s good name, right? Leave it to the freedom loving, God fearing conservapatriots of the United States to protect Lady Liberty’s good name.

I expect people like the stars of Jesus Camp to espouse red-white-and-blue-drenched sentiments like ‘America does not dictate, America frees’ but to hear it from the mouth of a prominent Republican and potential 2012 candidate is unnerving but unfortunately not unordinary. But what is odd is that after that line, the ballroom–filled with tie-wearing media members and professionals–stood up and began chanting “USA! USA! USA!” To see people in a professional environment partaking in the shenanigans of overall toting horse fuckers is puzzling at best and disturbing at worst to this east coast elitist. And those of us with some semblance of self-respect and self-control are deemed unpatriotic for not rising to our feet and joining in an idiotic chant with a gaggle of idiots. With behavior like this, is it any wonder the Republican Party is stumbling around headless?

I know plenty about the GOP, but I don’t know whether I should roll my eyes, shake my head in disapproval, be afraid, or just laugh my ass off. Either way, after the white collar conservatives and their plastic fingers cleared the room, and all the Mexicans came out of the woodwork to steam clean the now cummy floors (there’s nothing neoconservatives love more than America), I did relearn one very important fact: I fucking hate Mitt Romney.

20
Manifestos:


Imperad r Hasem rder
said…

I got peed on today at the dog park by a big white dog. Life is not good.


Woozie
said…

I’m slowly coming to some new revelations about my own life, revelations that will take me down a rather unpaved road with journeys both nerveracking and frightening but hopefully with decent outcomes. Life may or may not be good.


Ian
said…

@Woozie: Oh Christ, you’re gonna run for office, aren’t you?


Anne
said…

You know who was good at stirring up mindless mobs? Hitler. I’m just sayin’.

I think I’ve got the comments enabling thing fixed at my place. My bad – I must have clicked the wrong thing.


Imperad r Hasem rder
said…

I think we’ve all clicked the wrong thing from time to time.


DoctorBoogaloo
said…

I’d like to strap Mitt Romney to the roof of my car, grease his dick with Baconnaise, provide a wolverine for company, and hit the fucking gas pedal.


unokhan
said…

don’t worry behappy

fella


Anonymous
said…

dude, it has become quite apparent that your affiliation to the liberty party is mostly due in part for their gay rights advocacy. You would be a conservative in half a jizzy if the RIGHT became proponents of such filth

-V


Woozie
said…

Ian: Well, a friend of mine and his brother have Senatorial ambitions. Maybe I could piggyback off of their success as a family friend (if they are popular senators)? This would or course only happen if I wanted to run for office 😛

Anne: There’s a Six Degrees of Separation thing that could be done here, I’m sure.

IH: Truth. We’ve clicked some very wrong things in our day. Soldier on though; no regrets!

Doc: “grease his dick with Baconnaise” Oh fucking my. I don’t really have anything else to say other than I see what you did there with the wolverine thing, whether you meant to do it or not.

Uno: Looks a little like a long lost relative of BBC’s who’s already headed for the hills, but sounds like a distant great great nephew of Mr. Marx. Could you and him be related too?

V: You know, sometimes I wake up in the morning and see something so appallingly stupid I just have to reply to it right then and there.

Like all impressionable and stupid young people I’m a slave of the liberal mindset. Forgive me for thinking people should have the right to do what they want to do if it doesn’t hurt anyone else; what the fuck was I thinking? And all that stuff about having responsible foreign policy that involves working with others as equals rather than against and with an “I’m America, fuck everyone else” attitude? Fucking absurd too. “America, Fuck Yeah” should be our national anthem.

Yes, the conservative way of life is clearly the direction America needs to go after 8 years of a neoconservative administration that have effectively held the country back from any notion of progress that doesn’t involve learning how to better suck Jesus dry. I think I’m starting to come around actually. Trickle down economics is good for the working class and it makes everyone happy. Marijuana is evil and faggots are sin. As a liberal I used to sleep naked but now I think I’m gonna drape myself in an American flag and replace my Lolita poster on the wall with a portrait of the God-King Reagan. God Bless The USA.

Perhaps next time you should think–or maybe just read what I fucking write–before you type.


unokhan
said…

don't worry, be hippy.

whoah wait a minute, what was ^that about revelations and unpaved roads

(/)(*o*)(/) < rock lobster


citizen of the world
said…

When I hear anyone chanting USA! USA! I want to run fo rcover.

What are your revelations?


Omar
said…

Mane Man knows the score.


BBC
said…

They say that what the mind doesn’t know anything about, the mind is afraid of.

Bullshit, I’ve been married five times, twice to the same christian fuck up. I’m not fucking afraid of anything anymore.

Least of all big niggers that like a little drink, drop by for a beer some day.


BBC
said…

If he fucking runs for office he is off my list. Only fucking idiots run for office to run this country. He would be better off staying in a place where he can pick on them.


Anne
said…

Whoa.
Does it seem more hostile and crazy than usual around here?
Is there a full moon?


thimscool
said…

BBC’s face does resemble a full moon.


Svetlana Alliluyeva
said…

lmao. I didn’t really know the context of this post (Haven’t seen the speech), but I loved every moment of it. 😀


chinese hamburger
said…

No more walking in the middle of the road, fella, because both sides want to run you over!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Anne
said…

BBC’s face does resemble a full moon
That’s hilarious! I must have one of those lawn gnomes, to annoy the neighbors.


Imperad r Hasem rder
said…

Chinese hamburgers (starve) or feed a trolled?