more questions

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

More Questions

Both posed while watching a Chinese movie about poverty and a bicycle. Don’t ask.

  1. Let’s say there is a virgin. This virgin discovers he can give himself head. Is he masturbating or taking his own virginity (provided you consider oral sex actual sex)?
  2. If said male discovers he enjoys giving himself head, is he gay?

I thought about adding something, but fuck it. No pun intended. If you would like to continue on North Korea below and get me a 2nd 100 comment post, feel free to.

22
Manifestos:


eccentric recluse
said…

You really tackle the tough questions Woozie. Is this a personal issue?


Woozie
said…

No I know I’m not gay.


Lord Omar
said…

Whether you or gay or not isn’t the issue here. It appears the dilemma is would a guy suck his own dick if he were able?

Yes he would.

Gay or straight.


skinnylittleblonde
said…

1.masturbating
2.no. (he may be gay, but this act alone does not deem that he must be)


K nig Hasem rder
said…

It is impossible for homosexuals to have sex. It’s also impossible to have sex with oneself unless one is a hermaphrodite. Unfortunately most hermaphrodites are not sexually functional. He’s lucky, not gay and still a virgin.

sex = outside of pee pee on inside of ho ha (requires man and woman)

oral sex = outside of pee pee on inside of mouth (requires man, woman or two of each)

anal sex = outside of pee pee on inside of anus(requires man and woman, or two men)

I hope I haven’t offended any lesbians with my definitions. Ladies your combined orgasmic power is the more interesting than any three of the traditional forms of intercourse. God praise the double ended dildo.


The Reverend Jon Boles
said…

[on blowing oneself] “Tried it once. Almost broke my goddamned back.”–Bill Hicks

As far as abstract thinking goes, I offer this up: I can’t help but think that if indeed we were created by God, and Eve was created by one of Adam’s ribs, God could have spared us guys a lot of frustration by just taking the two bottom ribs from us instead. We could just blow ourselves and not have to worry with the whole fraternization/relationship/dating thing. Oh, thank you, loving merciful God for your decision.


Black Jesus
said…

All Black Jesus has to do is stare at his cock and it gravitates into his mouth. Oh yeah.


Sloth
said…

Whoa! Where is my dick going??
Cut it out Black Jesus!


K nig Hasem rder
said…

jon, this is a must see. a comedian goes off on the beginning of the bible. ‘he made man from dust, could have done the same with eve but no, ah used a one adem’s ribs’


Black Jesus
said…

Whoa! Where is my dick going??
Cut it out Black Jesus!


Oops. Well, since it’s already here…


Anonymous
said…

1) Its masturbating
2) Still masturbating but wierd

You need to stop watching Kenji and give him some alone time.

You should watch a movie called Clerks.
RANDAL
That’s nothing compared to how my
cousin Walter died.

DANTE
How’d he die?

RANDAL
Broke his neck.

DANTE
That’s embarrassing?

RANDAL
He broke his neck trying to suck
his own dick.

Absolute silence. Then…

83.


DANTE
Shut the hell up.

RANDAL
Bible truth.

DANTE
Stop it.

RANDAL
I swear.

DANTE
Oh, my god.

RANDAL
Come on. Haven’t you ever tried to
suck your own dick?

DANTE
No!

RANDAL
Yeah sure. You’re so repressed.

DANTE
Because I never tried to suck my
own dick?

RANDAL
No, because you won’t admit to it.
As if a guy’s a fucking pervert
because he tries to go down on
himself. You’re as curious as the
rest of us, pal. You’ve tried it.

DANTE
Who found him?

RANDAL
My cousin? My aunt found him. On
his bed, doubled over himself with
his legs on top. Dick in his mouth.
My aunt freaked out. It was a mess.

DANTE
His dick was in his mouth?

RANDAL
Balls resting on his lips.

DANTE
He made it, hunhh?

84.


RANDAL
Yeah, but at what a price.

Silence. Then…

DANTE
I could never reach.

RANDAL
Reach what?

DANTE
You know.

RANDAL
What, your dick?

DANTE
Yeah. Like you said, you know. I
guess everyone tries it, sooner of
later.

RANDAL
I never tried it.

DANTE glares at RANDAL. Silence. Then…

RANDAL
Fucking pervert.


Anonymous
said…

Very good question. I’ve been meaning to ask it myself.

He’s not gay, he’s not straight, he’s a fucking rubber band if he can reallt give himself head.


Nicole
said…

at my friend’s 40th birthday party LAST weekend, { not my Stones weekend}, his wife had a birthday cake made with his picture on it. I told him after he blew out the candles that “technically, he just ‘blew’ himself”. He laughed hus head off, leaned over and gave me a big kiss and whispered in my ear…” Baby, if I could do THAT, I would never leave the house!!!”

This man is a woman lovin man and is definitely not gay, so I have to go with Omar’s theory. I think men just like having their dick sucked.


Nicole
said…

ps Woozie, you visit enough, I’m wondering why you haven’t linked me… is it cause I’m a Mom type?

It’s ok if it is, I’m just wondering….


angel
said…

1. If he’s giving himself a blow job, i’d say he’s very bloody talented, and the envy of all men.. I imagine that a man would prefer to relax whilst receiving such enjoyment though. Oral sex doesn’t count when losing one’s virginity…


2. No, because then I think every man who gives himself a hand job would also be gay. I also think experimentation can be tried in this man to man realm without deeming oneself gay. Curiosity maybe.

Black Jesus you’re the man!!


rose
said…

I’m sure some of those guys that do yoga and can bend their whole spine back can actually do that!

Congrats on the 100 comment post by the way. I was pretty chuffed to get 8 comments. 🙂


rose (again)
said…

If you masterbate, does that make you gay?


The Reverend Jon Boles
said…

“If you masturbate, does that make you gay?”

If it does, I’m a total flamer.

Orhan Kahn
said…

That scene from the original Clerks is too awesome to translate well in text form.

RANDAL: Fucking pervert.

His sincerity and disgust has to be seen.


Gadfly
said…

It is impossible for homosexuals to have sex.

Somehow, I suspect if a man has a penis in his ass — he’s pretty sure that he’s being fucked.

But yeah, of the many definitions of “sex” the biological definition requires a penis and a vagina in vertibrates


Anonymous
said…

Congrats on the 100+ comment post.
1. Masturbating
2. Not gay, quite a talent.


Woozie
said…

I see everyone agrees with me, or I agree with everyone, however that works.

Anyway, sorry I haven’t linked you Nicole, Just haven’t gotten around to it. You should be up there now…