2005 12 01 archive

Friday, December 30, 2005

I had the damndest dream last night…

Here’s how it went:

I’m at home, right, playing a round of the addictive We Love Katamari, and I hear a knock at my door. It’s Bam Margera, there to film an episode of Viva La Bam. So my parents and I said, “Fine, whatever. We don’t care.” About a half hour later, he comes back, with a cameraman, and says, “We repainted your Barracuda!”(It’s a 1969 Barracuda convertible, worth about $35,000, and we have it in real life) Anyways, we go to the car, and it’s all scratched up, and in black spraypaint, there’s stuff like the word ‘Fuck’, and ‘Titties’, and there’s a picture of an erect penis on the hood.

I will tell you, my mom fucking lost it. She grabbed the sledgehammer from the backyard, and started chasing him around the front yard, spewing profanities left and right, and threatening to bash his skull in. For whatever reason, I joined in with an airsoft rifle and shot him in the back of the knee. My parents and I imprisioned him in our house. While my mom is screaming and staring at the Barracuda, and my dad is settling legal issues with MTV, I’m standing guard at the door. I peek inside the window, and Bam is watching what else, but Viva La Bam. And then, nothing else happened, because the dream just stopped. I didn’t wake up, it just stopped.

I didn’t make any of that up on the spot, I really dreamed all of that.

Anyways, I bet you’re expecting me to say what I got for Christmas, but I know nobody cares, and I’m not going to waste your time. I wish everyone else would fucking learn that.

In Conclusion:

If you have any idea what that dream means, leave a comment. (not if you comment is “LOL!1! Ur Ghey!!!!!”)

No one gives a crap what you got for Christmas, of Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, or Festivus. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

MTV blows. It doesn’t just blow, it blows balls. The balls of an 87 year old hermaphrodite. With chlamydia.

Remember way back when “Music Television” actually meant “Music Television”? Nowadays, according to MTV, “Music Television” means “A bunch of shitty reality shows starring preppie bitches and guys that look like girls”. There are some exceptions to this rule, with shows like Punk’d, Viva la Bam, and Homewrecker, but all of those shows blow in their own right.

I’ve heard people saying shit like, “MTV is the voice of our generation.” No it’s not. The voice of our generation is the Internet and porno, being as it is what most teenagers spend most of their time looking at. Let me list some shows on MTV, and my problems with said shows:

  • Viva la Bam-A poor substitute for Jackass, starring a rich white guy with too much money, too much time on his hands, and parents who don’t beat him for being a stupid ass.
  • Homewrecker-Haven’t seen it; I’m sure that it is really stupid, because it’s on MTV.
  • The Real World-Is not real anymore. In fact, it never was. It is just a sad excuse for a bunch of rich bastards to yell at each other in some city, and it gets dumber and dumber every year.
  • Road Rules-The same as The Real World, except in an RV.
  • TRL-“How excited can you be to see a video you’ve already seen 57 times? Fuck!”-Carson Daly

I’d go on, but the massive stupidity of MTV is killing my sperm count And it’s killing YOUR sperm count, too. MTV is just a plot by the Feminist movement to eliminate men in the near future, thereby making women the dominant sex. Fight the evil power, and destroy MTV.

In Conclusion:

I mostly hate MTV, mostly.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Friday, December 16, 2005

I understand the necessity of school, but I still fucking hate it, like everyone else my age.

Unlike most of the student body here at RM, I understand that we can’t just have a nation of complete dumbasses in 15 years. I understand that we have to haul our asses to school every day, and learn some crap that we’ll probably forget by 12th grade. But there are just so many unnecessary parts to it here. For example. Every morning, we have to wake up early. Not just early, but EARLY. As in sometime between 6 and 7 A.M. At a time in our lives when weare wired to stay up late and wake up late, why the hell are they forcing us to wake up so damn early? And the little elementary kids, who are wired to go to sleep early and wake up early, get to go to school at 8 or 9 A.M. It’s complete fucking bullshit, and I’m fucking sick of it.

Speaking of being fucking sick of complete fucking bullshit, our MYP Personal Project is due next Wednesday. This is a project that was supposed to take 8 months to do, but most people will probably do the entire thing this weekend. And there is no real purpose to this project. I think it’s supposed to teach us time managment or something, but since most people are going to do it this weekend, MYP has failed in their objective.

Also, the week before Christmas, I have 6 tests. In 4 days. And 3 of these tests are math tests, two of which are on the same day. AND on top of all that, I have to meet with my MYP mentor to discuss my project, and he hasn’t really done much to help. AND, every night, we usually have somewhere between 2 and 4 hours of homework.

Also, this school has a lot of annoying dumbasses who are about as smart as a fucking french fry. Like Patrick or Kattouf, for those of you who know him. Sometimes it seems like they just do their damndest to be as annoying as possible, slow down class and waste precious minutes asking stupid questions that the teacher answered 2 minutes ago. For example, every day (and I’m not kidding, EVERY DAY) Patrick asks me,”Hey Bobby. Who do you have 1st Period?” “Hey Bobby, when does the period end?” “Hey Bobby? Uh…I forgot.”

With all the shit I’ve been through due to the merciless overload of work, I see it as a miracle of god that I haven’t shot myself yet. As you can see by my description (and no, I am not exaggerating about anything), school is horribly inefficent, there is too much damn work, too little time to do it, and way too stressful for us.

In conclusion:

I’m really sick of all this shit. Fucking sick of it all…

Whoever it was that had sex with a monkey and brought humans AIDS should be burning in hell now.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Telll your friends about The Tome of Communism

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A big list of things I hate

Because I’m bored.

  • The Bush Family
  • Nazis
  • Pat Wisda
  • Being Kicked in the nuts (not to be confused with watching someone get kicked in the nuts. That’s fuckin’ hilarious)
  • When the teacher says “Is anyone absent?”, and some stupid shit who thinks they’re being funny says “I am!”
  • Grunge music
  • Nirvana
  • Kurt Cobain
  • Green Day
  • Microsoft Excel
  • Snot
  • pop-ups
  • Susan B. Anthony
  • Rotting food
  • Software Applications
  • Foot sweat
  • Politics
  • The “Holidays”
  • The Osbournes
  • The Spice Girls
  • Bono
  • U2
  • i-Pods
  • The assholes who think they’re god because they have the latest shitty i-Pod to fall out of Apple’s ass
  • The Christian Right
  • Emos and Goths
  • Bad music
  • Nintendo
  • Fanboys
  • leet speak
  • Preps
  • Tristan R.
  • TyPiNG LiKe ThIS!1!
  • The Testes Fest (Yes, it’s a Testicle Festival, and no, I’m not making it up.)
  • MTV
  • VH1
  • Spike TV
  • That part of God of War, which is essentially an escort mission where you protect a wooden box
  • Bam Margera
  • Uncensored episodes of Jackass (too much male nudity)
  • Power movements (Jewish Power, White Power, Black power, etc.)
  • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold
  • 9/11 Tributes
  • Osama Bin Laden
  • The guy who shot MLK Jr.
  • The ridiculous length of MLK Jr.’s formal name: The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Junior
  • Thinking that if a teenager is holding a gun, then they’re going to kill everyone in the room with it. It’s now practically impossible for me to go to the shooting range because of all this paranoia bullshit.
  • Trigonometry
  • Worship jamz!
  • Disneyland
  • Flag burners
  • Hippies
  • Wearing Jungle camo in the desert (something that the US army frequently does in Iraq)
  • Male strippers
  • Spam
  • Spam
  • Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
  • straight Eye for the Queer Guy (They actually tried it, too. Lasted 3 episodes.)
  • Spongebob Squarepants
  • Donald Rumsfeld
  • Condoleeza Rice
  • Colin Powell
  • Black people who think that if you call someone like Rice or Powell an Oreo(black on the outside but white on the inside), you’re saying that all black people are stupid.
  • Shakespeare
  • Greenpeace
  • Modern Art
  • The new, hippiefied Cookie Monster
  • Peppers
  • The OC
  • House
  • prison Break
  • Lost
  • Reunion
  • Numb3rs
  • All of the stupid drama shows like that who are just blending Law and Order, CSI and soap operas
  • KKK
  • New England Patriots
  • Cigarettes
  • Diet Soda

That’s all for now, because I’m bored.

Monday, December 5, 2005

Assorted thoughts, because I actually don’t have much to rant about this time.

  • In terms of the book The Tome of Communism (yes, it’s a book), I am currently on page 81, I think. I’m too lazy to get up and go get it, so whatever.
  • Um, one Pat Wisda appears a record 472 times as of today, simply because he is the most concentrated form of communism on the planet. I am trying to get to 500 Pat Wisdas by page 100 (the end).
  • My balls itch.
  • Speaking of my balls, I was hit in them by a girl, because I allegedly hurt her while trying to scare her (it was part of a bet). I don’t think I actually hurt her, and I think she just kicked me in the balls because she wanted to. I would have kicked her ass on the spot, but she’s been a good friend of mine for 9 years. So, if anyone has any idea for non-physical revenge against her, leave a comment.
  • Watch The Boondocks on Adult Swim. (check adultswim.com for schedules)
  • If you are not reading this blog, you should be watching The Boondocks, a Quentin Tarantino movie, or listening to a Jimi Hendrix album.
  • Friends and Will and Grace are two of the fucking dumbest, most unamusing TV shows ever to fall out of a producer’s ass. (more on them in a later post)
  • Nothing kills wood more than…….
  • A CHAINSAW! (and I bet you thought I was talking about a penis. You sick bastard.)
  • Go to www.commujism.com for the hottest, most hardcore porn in the world!
  • I like chicken, but I hate liver, If you bring me meow mix I will stomp your testicles into dust.
  • Terrell Owens is a jackass.
  • Go buy the complete Jackass box set tomorrow, because, whether you want to admit it or not, it is fucking hilarious to watch someone be hit in the balls, and you know it.
  • I am so screwed for my stupid god damn MYP project. GOD DAMNIT!
  • That 70’s Show, Seinfeld, Married…With Children, and The Drew Carey Show are the only sitcoms EVER that are actually funny, but still use a laugh track.
  • I have so much homework to do, but I don’t care.
  • You can actually get D in one class (math), and still have a 3.85 GPA, just as long as you get straight A’s in all other classes. Math rendered itself useless! Hooray paradoxes!
  • 50 Cent is the biggest load of shit I have ever seen in my life. That stupid asshole didn’t get shot 9 times; hell, he probably grew up in a rich white suburb of LA or something.
  • People who voted for George W. Bush need to be exterminated for being so damn stupid.
  • My dog smells like ass and communism.
  • I hate the IRS. I don’t pay taxes, but I still hate them.
  • I am a spoiled bastard, and damn proud of it.
  • Proof positive that SpongeBob is gay. Get a picture of him. White out his pupils. Draw a vertical line across his nose. Turn the picture upside down and look closely at his eyes and nose.
  • I want to kill Tristan R. For those of you who know him, I need not explain my desire to kill him.

In Conclusion:

Watch The Boondocks, or God is gonna smite yo’ ass!

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism.

Friday, December 2, 2005

Holiday Tree my black ass. It’s a fucking Christmas Tree, and get used to it.

Tonight on the news, I first heard of a retarded ass debate about whether we should call it a ‘Holiday tree’, or a ‘Christmas tree’. When I heard this, I almost shit myself in disappointment at the American people. Because of this, stores around the country are now selling ‘Holiday trees’ in an attempt to be politically correct. I think that being PC is bullshit, as you can probably tell by now. I mean, it has been called a Christmas tree for hundreds, even thousands of years. Why now are a couple of fucking dicks way the fuck out in the middle of fucking nowhere bitching about the ‘Christmas’ in ‘Christmas tree’? We don’t ask Jews to call menorahs ‘9-Candle Containment units’, so why the hell should us Christians have to call Christmas trees ‘Holiday trees’? Bunch of fucking bullshit! At least the US government still calls the White House and Capitol trees Christmas Trees. First thing they’ve done right in 6 years.

I am so god damn tired of people being politically correct. The idiotic masses across the world force those of us with brains to ‘refrain from using profanity’, ‘resist committing a criminal act’, and most importantly, us teenagers must not ‘deflower a young lass while in her prime’. Every time I hear someone being PC without satirizing it, I want to “cut something off. And I promise you, they will be things you will miss.” (If you have not seen that movie, you are a waste of a human life, and should go shoot yourself.)

I really hope that all PC people go to hell and die. If there is a PTA mom, or Hillary Clinton, or some uptight bastard out there reading this (and I hope there is), then kiss my ass, you fucking PC commie bastards! I hate you, everyone I know hates you, the US Government hates you, and you need to die. PC that, bitches.

In Conclusion:

If you buy a ‘Holiday tree’, or a ‘9 candle containment unit’, and continue to be politically correct, then the terrorists have won.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism