2006 01 01 archive

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

A South Park picture of me.

Using the Create-a-character game on southparkstudios.com, I created a South PArk character thhat, more or less, resembles me. Except that I’m not that dark, and I don’t have an eyepatch (although I wish I did, Pirates kick ass). Anyways, theh reason I’m putting this here is because blogger is being a dick, and the picture that goes along with my profile has to be from the internet, so here it is.

By the way, a Pirate could easily kick a ninja’s ass, since Pirates were skilled fighters, and ninjas, contrary to popular belief, were not skilled at fighting. Their forte was stealth. If you think a ninja could beat a pirate, you have most likely confused a ninja with a samurai, which could easily kick a pirate’s ass. Now you know.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Patrick Wisda’s Stupidity Knows No Bounds

This ignorant dumbass thinks that he can swim across the Atlantic Ocean. Yes, The Atlantic Ocean. The 3,000 mile wide Atlantic Ocean. He really thinks he can do it. Let’s make a list of why he can’t do it, shall we?

  • Hypothermia
  • Currents dragging him to the Arctic
  • Being run over by a cruise ship
  • Being sucked into the propellers by the undertow of a cruise ship
  • Sharks
  • Exhaustion
  • Starvation
  • Dehydration (too much salt water will kill you, if you didn’t know that)
  • PIRATES! (probably not, but still a threat)
  • His general lack of intelligence (If he started in Ocean City, he’d wind up accidentally turning around and swimming back to Ocean City)
  • Hurricanes (if he was dumb enough to start swimming in the summer)

See? That’s 11 things that could screw him up, 9 of which are lethal. He offered several solutions to the aforementioned things, which are

  • Wearing a swimsuit that will keep him warm
  • Hasn’t offered a solution to the currents
  • Hasn’t offered a solution to the cruise ship
  • Hasn’t offered a solution to the cruise ship propellers
  • Shark Cage*
  • Stop to take breaks (in 40 degree water?)
  • Have a boat throw him food (the boat will also be towing the shark cage)
  • Drink the salt water and then throw it up
  • “Pirates don’t exist anymore!”
  • “I’ll have a compass, duh.”
  • Hasn’t offered a solution to the hurricanes

Now, for the shark cage idea. If the boat is towing the shark cage that he is “swimming” in (even though they don’t make shark cages long enough to swim in), the boat would be constantly towing the shark cage, which would constantly be forcing him to move, even when he stops swimming, which means that he would not be moving under his own power.Also, if the boat is throwing him food, then he is relying on the boat to keep him energized and moving, meaning he’s not doing the feat under his own power, which means that the boat would get credit for crossing the Atlantic, not that dumbass. What a dumbass.

Anyways, Pirates do exist, he will most likely be sucked into the undertow of a cruise ship and get diced up by the propellers, since the ship is probably not going to stop for some dumbass American, especially if it’s a French ship. Patrick, due to his general lack of intelligence, probably will not know how to read a compass, and even if he did, he’d probably drop it into the ocean, a full 10,000 feet down.

He calculated, using the minimum width of the Atlantic coast-to-coast (where the water temperature averages a lethal 29 degrees) and his fastest time in a 100 meter swim, that it would take him about 29 1/2 days to swim the Atlantic. I then intellectually whooped his ass by noting that he would never be able to swim as fast as possible for 29 straight days, and he would have to stop to sleep, eat, drink and piss, in addition to just slowing down because he’s too damn tired. I also told him that the human body can’t survive 3 weeks without food, and it can’t go 3 days without salt-free water. 29 days is a lot longer than 3 weeks or 3 days.

After realizing that the boat would probably eventually run out of food (completely ignoring the fact that using a boat would be cheating), he said that he could “dive for fish, and eat them raw” What a dumbass. Does he have any idea how hard it is to catch a fish bare-handed. Not to mention that he would have to hold his breath long enough and swim fast enough to catch a fish, all while dodging the possible shark. So, it is clearly impossible to swim across the Atlantic ocean under one’s own power. The human body just can’t do it. He will die if he tries to do it.

After doing some research, I found out that one man, in the entire 165 million year history of the Atlantic Ocean, one man swam across the Atlantic Ocean. Benoit Lecomte did it in 1998, and had been swimming/cycling for 6 days a week for 2 years to train for it. And he used the assistance of an electromagnetic field to ward off predators. And he used a boat to provide navigation and the EM field. And he damn near died several times. And it took 72 days (a fact that is highly disputed). And he used a monofin, a mechanical device that acts like a fin to enable one to swim faster than normal. And the Guiness Book of World Records didn’t acknowledge the feat because they considered the use of a boat and the use of a monofin cheating. So, as it stands, it is impossible to swim the Atlantic Ocean under one’s own power, since Mr. Lecomte used a monofin and a boat to help him across.

He can’t do it under his own power. Using a boat to provide anything would be considered cheating. And he will die if he tries it. The odds of him successfully crossing the Atlantic Ocean under his own power are equal to that of him swimming the perimeter of an Olympic swimming pool 100 times, while I’m shooting at him with a .50 caliber Machine gun.

In Conclusion:

Patrick is so stupid, his brain should be the subject of a Harvard study on infinite stupidity.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix, who would smack Patrick with his Stratocaster for being such a dumbass

Tristan told me that he thinks he could do it. Will somebody please put that communist out of his misery?

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Beat your children to prevent school shootings

Why won’t parents beat their children if they get out of line? For example, a kid, let’s call him Dylan, will tell his white mother, “Bitch, fuck you, you fucking gaping-ass vagina shank bitch mother fucker bitch ass ho.” Now, white mommy would respond, “Okay, Dylan. Go to time out. You obviously have some emotional issues to work out, so go do it in time out.” Now, black mommy would respond to this by, “Oh no. Oh hell no.” Mama takes off the belt, raises it high in the air, “Get yo’ skinny ass back here boy!” BAM! She’ll knock his ass across the room and through the damn wall. And then she’ll start whipping him like Kunta Kinte in Roots. “Your name is Toby, bitch!” Afterwards, black Dylan with the ass-whoopin mama grew up to be a law professor at Harvard, with a beautiful wife and 2 children. White Dylan, with the time out mommy was a social outcast who met a little boy named Eric, and together they shot up a high school in Littleton, Colorado.

You see, the reason that Eric and Dylan did what they did at Columbine is because they had nothing to be scared of. They were two white males. If anyone was going to kill them, it was going to be them, since the police wouldn’t (and didn’t) dare kill two white males. But, let’s pretend, for a second, that Eric and Dylan were two black males. If they were two black males, (or anyone that isn’t white, for that matter) then 5 minutes after they pulled out their guns, a fucking army tank would roll up, demand that the terrorists drop their weapons, and come out. Before Eric and Dylan would have time to come out, the tank would blow a big-ass hole in the side of the school, and Black Hawk helicopters would fly in, and drop 80 Navy SEALs inside the building. They’d use some overly-complicated GPS system to locate Eric and Dylan, and then the SEALs would surround them. “DROP YOUR WEAPONS!” A SEAL would yell. Eric and Dylan immediately drop their weapons, but a car in the parking lot backfires. “RETURN FIRE!” All of a sudden, 80 M-16’s and Shotguns open up on Eric and Dylan, and the flying lead blows off all of their limbs. About 12 hours later, the paramedics arrive to take Eric and Dylan away.

Miraculously, they’re still alive. The DA is in the ambulance with them, and he tells them, “You niggers are going to spend the rest of your lives in jail.” They finally arive at the hospital, after the DA and ambulance driver stop to grab some dinner, and se a re-re-release of The Godfather Part II. The doctors are able to save their lives, but one of the doctors tells them that their insurance expired 5 minutes ago, so they have to pay for the operation out of their own pockets.

Eric and Dylan are in their hospital beds and their lives suck. They are each missing all of their limbs, The world hates them, Their girlfriends dumped them, the’re going to spend the rest of their lives as jailhouse bitches, things can’t get any worse, right?

And then mama comes in the room.

She’s got the fiery red eyes of the devil, veins bulging in primal rage, the belt is practically melting in her white-hot hand. “Dylan, how dare you-” SMACK! “-embarass me-” SMACK-SMACK! “-on TV!” BAM! She smacks him out of bed, across the room, and through the wall. Mama walks over and starts literally smacking the shit out of him with that belt. “Dammit, boy! You got shit all over my new blouse!” Dylan screams, “I’m sorry mama! I take it all back! I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again!” While mama is busy whoopin some ass, Eric’s white stepmother comes in. “Oh, my poor baby! Are you alright? I was so worried! Now, when we get home, you’re going to have some big time-out. Are we clear, snookums?”

Just then, the DA comes in to call them niggers and tell them how the’re going to be jailhouse bitch nigger ass bitches again, when he sees the white woman hugging Eric and calling him her son. “Oh, I didn’t realize your mother was white! Well, then, I’ll just drop all of the charges. After all, I’m sure the negro was the mastermind. Your mind was just polluted by his negro propaganda.” The DA lets Eric go and even gets him prosthetic legs and arms, and to apologize, the President makes Eric deputy Secretary of State, while Dylan spends the rest of his days as a jailhouse bitch, and mama comes to whoop his ass every Sunday. Dylan still regrets what he did this day. “If I had a time machine, I’d stop myself before I did it,” he says.

So, as you can clearly see, the only way to prevent school shootings is to beat the crap out of your children. Time outs don’t work, but the belt sure does. My mother whooped my ass, and she still threatens to do it if I do something wrong. I’m an angry person, but I let my rage out regularly and don’t let it build up like that, partially because she whooped my ass as a kid. I have never been grounded, and I have never had a time out, because the belt works so much better. If mama comes home with a new belt, and little Billy is not hiding in a corner, then mama has failed as a parent.

In Conclusion:

Regardless of what the law says, beat your damn children. Black kids get beaten all the time, and we almost never go on school shootings, because we’ll get whipped with a leather belt if we do.

White kids almost never get beaten, but it is almost always the white guys that bring the fucking machine guns and grenades to school and kill everyone.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix, who was probably beaten with a belt by his mother or father

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

GLAAD is a bunch of Nazis, you heard it here first.

Recently on FOX-5 news, they re-broadcasted a clip from the crappy reality series American Idol. The contestant shown in the clip, quite literally, walked, talked and sounded like a woman. When the contestant walked in, Randy Jackson asked the contestant, “Are you a man or a woman?”The contestant answered that he was a man, and he took no offense to the question, since he got it a lot.

After the bad audition, Simon Cowell remarked that the contestant should “put on a dress, because you look like a woman.” Although upset that Simon did not like the audition, he didn’t really take any offense to that specific comment. He left the room, and after Grandma yelled at Simon, the family left the building.

And here comes the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, or GLAAD. GLAAD has their panties in a bunch (pun intended) about the comments. Even though Jackson’s question was an honest question, and Cowell was just being the asshole he is so famous for being, a spokesman for GLAAD said that the comments were homophobic-

Let’s interrupt here for a second. Contrary to very popular belief, homophobic does not mean anti-gay, which is a choice someone makes. Note the -phobic suffix there. As you probably know, a phobia is an uncontrollable, irrational fear of something. So, to be homophobic is to be absolutely terrified of gay people and gay culture. There is a huge difference between being homophobic and anti-gay. Now you know.

-and wrong. They are currently ‘talking’ with American Idol producers and FOX about the remarks, which basically means GLAAD is butt-fucking them (pun intended) until they apologize. The spokesman added that the main offense was the producer’s decision to “turn the contestant’s gender expression into the butt of a joke.” What GLAAD needs to learn, is that it is the producer’s opinion that the contestant’s gender expression is funny. And as long as the expressed opinion does not incite hate, violence, or other crime against to people of certain races, sexual preferences, religion or gender (which it doesn’t), the opinion is protected under the First Amendment to the United States Constitution. And if GLAAD tries to infringe on free speech in the United States of America, that makes them fascists, and fascists suck. So, if GLAAD is a fascist organization, they can get the hell out of the country. You can quote me on that.

In conclusion:

I don’t watch American Idol, don’t think that I do. Also, I am neither homophobic or anti-gay, so don’t think that I am.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

No, you did not misread me. I called GLAAD a fascist organization. You heard it here first.

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Monday, January 23, 2006

This ‘Bird Flu” thing is a bunch of bullshit.

I’m sure that all of you know about this Bird Flu business, and I’m sure most of you are really freaking out about it. But you really shouldn’t. Remember SARS? Remember how all the ignorant world leaders (Dubya) thought the apocalypse was upon us? “The Rapture is nigh!”? Well, that all went away in a couple of months, and unfortunately people aren’t forgetting this bird flu shit.

Apparently you people don’t realize that there are literally thousands of different things both in space and on Earth that could annihilate human life. Let’s take a look at a few, shall we:

  • Nuclear War
  • Ebola
  • Big-ass asteroid
  • Aliens (presuming they’re hostile, and presuming they’ll kick our ass, and presuming they even exist)
  • AIDS
  • Super AIDS
  • Cancer
  • Another World War
  • Black Holes
  • A Supernova (if the sun supernovas on us, we’re totally fucked)
  • An Ice Age
  • Global Warming
  • Natural Disasters (hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, etc.)
  • Meltdowns at Nuclear Power Plants
  • Famine
  • Idiotic World Leaders and the idiots that follow them

See? Thhere’s a lot more stuff that is a bigger threat to humanity. The way I see it, either Nuclear War, a big-ass asteroid or Ebola will kill us all. Let’s focus on that last one, the most dangerous one, and the one no one knows about-Ebola.

The ebola virus has 4 different strains, all of which are nearly indistingushable from eachother. There have been about 1500 Ebola cases worldwide since 1976, and80% died. Eighty Fucking Percent. Worst of all, the only treatment is extract from some rare african tree (which was only tested in a lab-never used in real life), and there is no cure because it changes so damn often, and we don’t even know where it comes from.

It can be transmitted by air, water, blood or sex, and it takes about 1 to 2 weeks for symptoms to show up, and shortly after, you die. Unless an epidemic is suspected, people often think that it’s just malaria, typhoid fever or dysentery. For the most part, you either bleed out from the inside, and from every hole in your body (external bleeding is rare, it’s usually internal), your brain is fried by your ridiculously high fever, or your organs die from necrosis.

See? The Bird Flu ain’t shit compared to Ebola. Why freak out about a Bird Flu that we have a god damn vaccine for? It’s not going to kill us all. There’s nothing to worry about. Except an Ebola Outbreak. Then we’re all going to die!

In Conclusion:

Stop freaking out about the god damn bird flu that we have vaccines for. if you can’t get a vaccine, eat some chicken soup. If you’re a vegan that can’t get a shot, well, no one likes vegans anyways.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Friday, January 20, 2006

God Damnit Tom Cruise, you filthy Nazi heathen!

Tom Cruise, using his big legal palm of doom, has forced Paramount into never again airing the infamous South Park episode “Trapped in the Closet” in the U.K. You know what that means–the U.S. is next.

In case you didn’t know, that episode is about the Chruch of Scientology believing Stan is the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. Tom Cruise comes to Stan’s house to meet Stan, and Stan tells him that he’s not a good actor. So, after being traumitized, Tom Cruise proceeded to lock himself in Stan’s closet, and he refused to come out for over 12 hours.

Now, apparently that demon communist Cruise killed the show, because it made him look gay when he claims he isn’t. But that begs the question: If Tom Cruise really isn’t gay, then why does he keep threatening to sue people who even hint at his homosexuality? Why can’t that stupid bastard take a damn joke? Because he is gay, of course. He’s trapped in the closet, and we need R. Kelly’s help to get him out.

You know, I used to have respect for Tom Cruise as an actor. But since he’s been dropping lawsuits left and right and threatening to sue everyone, it’s become apparent that Tom Cruise is a dick. Not just a dick, but a satanic, homosexual communazi dick. And all of this will probably stop if he just comes out of the closet. All I can say is, Comedy Central better keep “Trapped in the Closet” on the season 9 DVD box set. We can’t let Cruise win.

In Conclusion:

Boycott all Tom Cruise movies. Show that stupid bastard we’re sick and fucking tired of his bullshit lawsuits.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Friday, January 13, 2006

A Message to all ignorant white people: STOP BEING BLACK.

Today I went to the mall to pick up some incense (not because I’m a dirty pot-smoking hippie, but because it smells good). On my way to the incense place, I passed a generic shoe store that specialized in overpriced sneakers. Inside the shoe store, I saw the most hedonistic thing my brown eyes have ever laid themselves on.

There were 3 little white boys, probably about 12 years old, wearing their jeans way the ell down by their knees, and oversized black shirt that said G-Unit on it, and these little wack-ass wiggers had one of those Allen Iverson hats on, sideways. On top of that, these bastards were holding their panst up with one hand (instead of buying a damn belt), and swinging the other while trying to walk with rhythm.

At that moment, I felt like walking in there and kicking each and every one of them in their little raisin testicles, then smack their mothers for letting them make jackasses of themselves. God damnit, why can’t white people act like white people? Most white people do it just fine, so why can’t these idiots do it? I wonder if they know that they’re not really ‘from the ghetto’ and ‘gangsta’. If those dumbasses actually went to a real ghetto, and walked around saying that they were gangsta, they might as well have left behind a suicide note, because they wouldn’t last 3 minutes.

Most of the time, people like this aren’t actually black on the inside. Hell, there isn’t even one black cell in their body. But one sure-fire way to tell if they really are black is if they pass the Are You Really Black? Quiz. Feel free to take it yourself.

1)Do you like fried chicken?

2)Do you like watermelon?

3)Do you have a general lack of trust for republicans?

4)Do you feel uncomfortable being around a large crowd of white people?

5)Are you interested in weaponry of any kind?

6)Have you ever been stared at accusingly by the police?

7)Have you ever been asked to join the Marine Corps, or the U.S. Army before the recruiter knew your age?

8)Have you ever lived in a big city? (not necessarily the ghetto, suburbs do not count)

9)Do you hate the Ku Klux Klan with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns?

10)Have you ever had an uncontrollable urge to tap some ass?

The answers to all of the questions should have been yes for you to be 100% black. Here’s how your percentages work out:

10 right: You are the blackest of the black, and all the rich suburbanites hide their daughters at the mention of your name.
9 right: You are very black, but you have been seen once or twice inside American eagle Outfitters, or Abercrombie and Fitch
8 right: You are pretty black, but would probably feel very uncomfortable in Harlem
7 right: You have an average amount of black in you. The rich people won’t hide their daughters, but you will still incite the wrath of the Klan
6 right: You have a totally average 6 inch penis, but you can still emulate the voice of Darth Vader or the Master Chief well
5 right: You are 50% black, 50% White. Your ideal dinner is a vegan tofu sandwich, with a side of watermelon
4-0 right: You are not black. At all. You wear overpriced shit from prep stores, but still get a tan in a tanning bed in a sad attempt to add pigment to your pasty white skin. Please go away.

So there you have it. The only sure-fire way to tell how black someone is.

In conclusion:

I really wish that all the posers out there would crawl into a hole and die.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about the Are You Really Black? quiz, and The Tome of Communism

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

If I were President…a lot of shit would be different.

If I were President, I would change the title “President” to “King”, because “King” sounds more badass.

If I were king, I would banish the Ku Klux Klan to Mars.

If I were king, I would kill anyone who talks about erectile dysfunction at a restaurant.

If I were king, I would make it mandatory for everyone to watch a Quentin Tarantino movie before they die.

If I were king, the show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” would be cancelled, and the Bravo network exceutives will be executed for putting that show on the air.

If I were king, Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope would be killed for killing The Man Show.

If I were king, the gravesite of Bill “The Fox” Foster would be declared a national landmark.

If I were king, Jimi Hendrix would have his own memorial on the National Mall.

If I were king, all Hippies and Communists would be banished to Cuba.

If I were king, there would be free Baby Back Ribs every Monday night at T.G.I. Fridays.

If I were king, it would be a crime to go to a baseball game.

If I were king, anyone who desecrates my great name shall be shot on sight.

If I were king, all the Jareds, Patricks, Michael Kattoufs, and Tristans of the world shall be dumped into the ocean to be eaten by sharks.

If I were king, school would start at 10 A.M., and end at 4 P.M.

If I were king, I would hand out free A’s in math classes across the nation.

If I were king, I would annex Canada as our 51st state, making us the largest country in the world. Take that Russia!

If I were king, every show would end with girls jumping on trampolines.

If I were king, then “Friends”, “Will and Grace”, “Dharma and Greg”, “Two and a half men”, and all shows like it will be cancelled.

If I were king, the producers, creators and stars of the aforementioned shows will be jetissoned into space with nothing but a toothbrush and spoiled meatloaf.

If I were king, all people with AIDS would only be allowed to have sex with other people who have AIDS, and they can never have kids, in an attempt to just get rid of the disease.

If I were king, it would be declared high treason to have sex with a monkey.

If I were king, fireworks would be legal.

If I were king, hockey would be erased from the memory of every Earth citizen.

If I were king, I would change the title “king” to “emperor”, because “emperor” sounds even more badass.

If I were emperor, nitrous would be illegal. After all, bottles are for babies.

If I were emperor, all immigrants should be required to speak English. Call me a racist, but if you can’t speak the language, then get the fuck out of the country.

If I were emperor, people would actually be able to live off of welfare.

If I were emperor, animal crematoriums would not be allowed to send you pamphlets before your pet is dead.

If I were emperor, The Tome of Communism would be considered “The lost chapter of the bible”

If I were emperor, the v-Chip in TVs and computers at school would be illegal.

If I were emperor, ignorant people would be executed for being ignorant.

If I were emperor, college would not cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

And finally, If I were emperor, I would build a theme park on the moon, complete with “flapjacks. And hookers.”

Now, don’t you want me as your supreme ruler?

Monday, January 9, 2006

Eric Cartman is a prophet

One of the newest movies out, Brokeback Mountain, is ‘an epic love story, set in 1963, where two cowboys fall in love’, and then something happens, and one of them probably dies. That’s gotta happen, because no one would go to see a movie filled with Jake Gylenhall and Heath Ledger grunting for 2 hours. Even women and gay men. Anyways, the reason I say that Cartman is a prophet, is because years ago, the SUndance film festival came to South Park. And Cartman predicted that “All independent movies are always about gay cowboys eating pudding.” And sure enough, Brokeback Mountain is an independent film about gay cowboys. I wonder if they eat pudding…That would be hilarious.

Due to his accurate prediction of Brokeback Mountain’s plot, Eric Cartman is a true prophet, handed down to us from whatever religious deity you happen to believe in, whether it be Buddha, Jesus, Hitler, or the fat guy next door who says ‘fuck’ a lot. We shall all follow the divine word of Cartman, and he shall lead us gracefully into the divine beyond…

In Conclusion:

I’m sure there’s someone who actually thought I believed Cartman was a prophet. If you are that person, feel free to crawl into a corner and die, for you are too stupid and gullible to live.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Friday, January 6, 2006

A list of things that I like, for a change

The people/places/things mentioned below are the things that make humanity great. They are the total opposite of communism. Meeting the people, going to the place, and experiencing the things below, are comparable to waking up in the morning, getting out of a golden bed to go count your money and watching the Redskins win the Super Bowl on your 72 inch Sony Hi-Def LCD TV.

  • Sony’s Gaming and Television divisions
  • Metal Gear Solid series
  • Halo series
  • Grand Theft Auto series
  • The Man Show with Adam and Jimmy
  • Juggy girls
  • Bill “The Fox” Foster
  • Porn
  • South Park
  • Hideo Kojima
  • Disneyworld
  • Jimi Hendrix
  • Pirates
  • Samurai
  • Guns
  • Explosives
  • Newgrounds
  • Wikipedia
  • Half-Life series
  • Football (all foreigners should bear in mind that I live in the U.S.)
  • Studying war
  • Stevie Ray Vaughan
  • Kanye West’s words of wisdom: “George Bush doesn’t care about black people”
  • Family Guy
  • Futurama
  • The Boondocks
  • The Tome of Communism, of course
  • Maddox
  • The Godfather
  • Star Wars (A New Hope for all you hippies), The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, and Revenge of the Sith
  • Boobs
  • Steak
  • The George Foreman Grill, for making it possible for people to have homemade burgers and steaks in December
  • Dogs
  • Knives
  • The Imperial March
  • Adam Sessler and Morgan Webb
  • Attack of the Show!
  • G4
  • IGN
  • Perry Bible Fellowship
  • Muscle Cars

I know you’re dying for more, but that’s it for now.

In Conclusion:

Something mildly amusing related to the above post

Scroll down to see stuff I hate

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Another list of things I hate

Because if I post my Scientology rant, like I planned, Tom Cruise will sue me in England, and bankrupt me. That bastard…..

  • Republicans
  • Democrats
  • The Green party
  • Ralph Nader
  • “smegma”
  • Pointless circumcisions
  • Colleges
  • Tommy Lee Goes to College
  • That special time of the month
  • AIDS
  • Stereotypes
  • Bathrooms that have been Earl Scheibed
  • Laugh tracks
  • Muscle-bound dickheads
  • Whores
  • Pimps
  • When your junk begins to itch while in a public place
  • Maryland Renaissance Festival
  • Knob Creek Machinegun Shoot (I know it sounds cool, but it was the site of an offical meeting of the Kentucky Brotherhood of the Ku Klux Klan in 2003, with endorsement from the organizer of the machinegun shoot.)
  • The Hitler Channel
  • ‘Body moisturizer’
  • My grandmother’s belief that if your door is open at night, while you are in the room with the open door, burglars and murdrers will come into your house, steal everything and kill everyone.
  • Bikini Waxes for men
  • Bodybuilding competitions (the men are vomit-inducingly muscular, and the women are the complete opposite of sexually attractive)
  • Skin diseases
  • Opposers of The Man Show
  • Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhope, for nearly killing the legacy of The Man Show
  • People who believe that a ninja could easily kill a pirate (Ninjas are often confused with Samurai; Ninjas were good at stealth, but bad at combat)
  • Too Late with Adam Carolla
  • The Jimmy Kimmel Show
  • People who spell Adam Carolla as Adam “Corolla”
  • Time capsules
  • Hippies(Jimi Hendrix being a notable eception, due to his complete ownage of the guitar)
  • Dog farts
  • People who think their shitty imports can actually stand up to the might of the American muscle car
  • Nitrous (Real cars don’t need nitrous to be fast.)
  • Baseball
  • U.S. Imperialism

In conclusion:

Tom Cruise has sand in his vagina

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism