2008 01 01 archive

Showing newest 26 of 31 posts from January 2008. Show older posts
Showing newest 26 of 31 posts from January 2008. Show older posts

Thursday, January 31, 2008

And This Post Must Be Over 200 Courics!

-Sorry for two of these “random crap” posts in one week, tomorrow is a big day and I don’t have time to type up a coherent post.

-Tonight Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have their one-on-one debate on CNN. Given their unbelievably close race, this debate is pretty huge. Unnerving for a supporter of a guy who only does average in debates. Even if he loses the debate, I still think Obama can have a strong, if not victorious, Super Tuesday showing with all the huge endorsements, and of course that famous personality.

– I still can’t believe how dumb Rudy Giuliani was to skip the first 6 states, and dump everything on Florida. I will give him credit for bowing out the next day, at least he’s not sticking around until his epic failure stops being funny in a few weeks, or months.

-Mike Huckabee had better hurry up and get back in this race, John McCain and Mitt Romney are ditching him fast. And then there’s Ron Paul, too. Heh, Ron Paul.

-Hulk Hogan has endorsed Barack Obama. Sure this is interesting, but who will get the seal of approval from Nikolai Volkoff?

-The past three times we’ve played a trivia game in school, one of the teams has been named Team Stalin. And for all three of those games, Team Stalin won. The Trotskyists lost twice, and Team Sheep God* lost today. See, nothing beats Stalin.

*Inside joke.

-Apparently my AP Euro teacher can quote The Godfather verbatim. And he draws a wicked Stalin.

-I can’t tell you how many dumbasses told me my wallet should say “Bad Ass Mother Fucker”. That unfunny moron Dane KKKookkk can eat a dick. Jules Winnfield would kick his ass anyway.

-Some great cards for Apples to Apples: Joseph Stalin, Mother Teresa, Rudy Giuliani, Abortion, Spousal Abuse, Genocide, Jews, Black People, White People, Ron Paul, Muhammad Cartoons, Syphilis, Barack Obama, Sodomy, and Iraq.

-The greatest Zerg Rush of all time was the Soviet response to Operation Barbarossa. Kekekekekekeke, for Comrade Stalin!

-Zerg Rush is a great card for Apples to Apples, too.

-I bid you farewell for now with an interesting video spliced from the 2004 Republican National Convention. I won’t spoil what it’s about, but it heavily features Rudy Giuliani. Click the link, because Blogger acting retarded and won’t let me embed a video.

Update: Apparently some people have complained that the above link is misleading. I admit, I accidentally posted the wrong video. It’s still a good one though, you should watch it. Here’s the actual 2004 RNC video.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Coming off of a devastating third place finish in Florida that an autistic baboon could have predicted, Rudy Giuliani finds himself in quite the predicament. Considering that he “staked everything on Florida” and he got zero delegates from it, should Rudy stay or should Rudy go?

Well I think-

Wait, what? What’s that? He’s already dropping out? He’s supporting John McCain?

. . .

Um, let’s move onto another candidate. Considering that he’s up against an immensely popular black guy and a curiously popular woman both in the democratic party, John Edwards, the white man that progressivism forgot-

I’m sorry, what? John Edwards has already dropped out?

. . .

. . .

God dammit, what now? Um…take a look at what Jake (idiot mutt) greeted me with when I got home:See the pee in the lower left? That’s from when I went Ezekiel 25:17 on his ass.

Speaking of which…”I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet.”
“Which one is it?”“It’s the one that says Bad Mother Fucker.”“That’s it. That’s my Bad Mother Fucker!”

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Sandy Vaginas

When I think of the National Organization of Women, I think of mostly rational women being led by somewhat rational feminists. They, like any advocacy group, are bound to get grains of sand in their vagina from time to time. And that’s okay.

But the New York State chapter of NOW is another story. NOW-NYS literally has hundreds of tons of sand in its cavernous, bat-infested vagina. And they just queefed a couple hundred pounds of it all over Ted Kennedy and Barack Obama.

Today they put out a press release titled “Senator Kennedy Betrays Women by Not Standing
For Hillary Clinton for President”. You really should go there and read the whole thing, their stupidity is staggering. Flaws in logic and the occasional instance of Grammar Jewry aside, this press release is the most sexist load of rhinoceros shit yet dumped on the primary season.

News Flash you cunts: The world does not revolve around a giant vagina, much like it does not revolve around a giant penis. To expect Ted Kennedy to support Hillary Clinton because she’s a woman is profoundly retarded. And considering that 100 years ago blacks and women were both second-class citizens, it is profoundly immature to suggest supporting a black man is somehow less progressive than supporting a woman.

They must be obsessed over some vast penile conspiracy against ‘womyn’ kind, with Barack Obama as their Fuhrer. This vast penile conspiracy also includes Howard Dean (DNC chairman), the Progressive Democrats of America, yours truly, and Dennis Kucinich. Yes, even Dennis Kucinich, the man who wouldn’t harm Hitler, is hellbent on the enslavement of womyn across the world.

I can’t lambast these asinine bitches enough. I expect childish, inaccurate character assassination like this press release to come from Mitt Romney, not from an organization with a history of fighting for equality. Ted Kennedy is no saint. After all, he’s a politician. But to insinuate that he’s a regressive sexist for supporting Barack Obama? Are you fucking kidding me?

NOW-NYC, National NOW, and probably at some point Hillary Clinton herself have/will have distanced themselves from these rogue feminazis upstate, as should any rational human being.

Possibly the best thing that could come out of this unfortunate regression in the ethics of the campaign is if someone hacked NOW New York State’s website and replaced their background image with Goatse. That would be truly epic, and worthy of many free internets.

Monday, January 28, 2008

This Post Must be Over 100 Courics!

LaDaunte 25:17-

The path of the righteous Sambo is beset on all sides by the deliciousness of the chicken, and the juiciness of the watermelon.

Blessed is he, who in the name of fried foods and Kool-Aid, shepherds the soulless through the valley of funk, for he is truly his nigga’s keeper, and the drinker of much grape drink.

And I will strike down upon thee with drivebys and tofurkey, those who attempt to lynch and defunkify my niggas. And you will know my name is Boss Nigger, when I lay my Tec-9 upon thee!


Here’s a Samuel L. Jackson soundboard, so you can call your friends and cut their incessant rambling off with “Shut The Fuck Up!”


We bought Apples to Apples over the weekend. One of the best games around, you should buy it.


I stole my friend’s seat in AP Euro today (because someone else stole mine) and rather than being boring and telling me to get up, he threatened my sanity with a lap dance. Being as how my seat was still occupied, I stayed in his, and he actually sat in my lap and warned that he would start shaking his ass. My seat was relinquished, and I gave him a C+ for effort.


Countrywide really got fucked in the ass today, didn’t they? One year ago their stock was trading at $45/share, and today it was at $6/share. That’s what those pissbuckets get for selling people into those sub-prime mortgages. And their former CEO, Andrew Hitler, gave back $37.5 million from a retirement bonus, saying “it was the right thing to do”. Little did he mention that he kept over $40 million in benefits. Lying shithead to the very end.


One iconic democratic family snubbed the other when two Kennedys, Caroline (JFK’s daughter) and Ted, endorsed B. Hussein Obama for president yesterday and today respectively. Getting support from who is practically the democratic establishment This has already drawn positive comparisons between Obama and JFK, including their inspirational and leadership qualities. Let’s just hope their fates do not wind up being comparable.

All in all, bad news for HilDog.


This is a big political week. State of the Union tonight, Florida primary tomorrow, and debates Wednesday and Thursday nights. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t going to flip between the primary/debates and American Idol auditions. Sorry CNN, but your Zerg Rush of exit polls and interactive maps doesn’t beat egotistical vocal apocalypses.

In Conclusion:

Mitt Romney is still one of the biggest douchebags in recorded history, just above Chairman Mao and just below Napoleon Bonaparte.

Listen to the Hymn of the Soviet Union

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Sunday, January 27, 2008


God damn, I said god damn!

Barack Hussein Obama won South Carolina. Scratch that, he dominated South Carolina with 55% of the vote.

Now, I hate to be the one to piss on the parade, but Obama’s kept his campaign away from the presidential fates of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson by staying above race (for the most part).

And 80% of the black vote went to Obama-huge, considering half of the electorate was black. But only 25% of the white vote was his, the rest was split between John Edwards and Hillary Clinton (because who cares about Mike Gravel, amirite?).

This is distressing to me because I’m afraid that some idiots out there not directly affiliated with but supporting Hillary could spin this around to make Obama seem like just another black candidate like Sharpton or Jackson. I didn’t catch the victory speech last night, but should some moron try to spin the victory he has got to come out against is quickly and effectively. He’s got to reaffirm that he doesn’t want to be President of Black America or White America, he wants to be President of the United States of America. Lines like that go over really well.

But let’s look at the bright side. If there were any doubts, it seems like Obama may have the black vote locked up should it be crucial in any future states or the general election. He beat the democratic establishment, which dumped tons of support for Hillary in hopes she would defeat him. He won votes across all age demographics, except for old people. But they’re going to die soon anyway.

And taking 55% of the vote looks damn good on the front page of the paper.

Update: SC Exit Polling by CNN. Another instance of the MSM propping Obama up on a pedestal, Bill?

In Conclusion:

Anne sent me some masking tape and a gift card (presumably for more tape) in the mail. She is now crowned Supreme Alpha Commander Anne, meaning all of you-even the Supreme Commanders-are her pack mules.

Listen to S-N-Double O-P D-O-Double G

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Saturday, January 26, 2008

200 Cups of Coffee

A couple of days ago those shameless incompetent morons Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi must’ve made a mistake; they came to an agreement with W on an economic stimulus plan.

Everybody paying taxes and making under 75,000 a year will get $600, and couples making less than $150,000 filing taxes jointly will receive $1200. Of course, this is all provided the plan passes the Senate, which it might not.

I am far from an economic wizard. In fact, I’m somewhat economically retarded. But it seems to me that simply throwing money at the problem isn’t going to solve anything. Not only will this money take forever to get to people (the first checks should be sent out in May), but people are almost certainly going to waste it on stupid things like 200 cups of coffee.

At best throwing money into the hands of the Frys of this nation is sticking a SpongeBob Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. For long-term stability we need to stimulate the job market, and not by kicking out all the wetbacks. The unemployment rate is about 5%-acceptable, but it could be better.

For example, start by rejuvenating the American auto industry. Tell GM and Ford to start copying Toyota and Honda. Cheap, sleek, and fuel-efficient cars are the way to go, not Lincoln Navigators that get 10 miles to the gallon. This would help states like Michigan tremendously, and similar job-creating ventures in other states could also help reduce crime. If people have jobs, they’re less inclined to steal. Right?

Another great area for development is green collar jobs. Get people educated in the business of installing solar panels, making homes more fuel-efficient, tending to wind farms, building nuclear power plants, etc. Environmental business is an area that’s remarkably underdeveloped. There’s a lot of room for growth there.

And of course, stop with the god damned sub-prime mortgages. “Let’s give loans to people who can’t pay the money back!” What the hell?

Again, I know very, very little about the economy. I just think that, like many other problems, just throwing money at it will not work. The money needs to be applied appropriately to fix the economy. I know all the economists ever want to do is trust the consumer, but I just don’t have the same trust that consumers won’t just buy millions of cups of coffee, figuratively speaking.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Rhyme Time 6

Flag:Skag: Drag:Sag: Bag: Mag:Shag: Hag: Tag: Fag:

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Custer’s Last Stand

Well it’s judgment day for presidential candidate Rudy “9/11” Giuliani. Florida-the state he’s staked his entire campaign on-votes on Tuesday. And Mr. 9/11 is in third at 18%, well behind Mitt Romney and John McCain.

Rudy Giuliani’s campaign strategy, both ahead of time and in retrospect, was strikingly short-sighted. He let his celebrity as “America’s Mayor” get what I guess you could call the best of him. He took confidence from being the national frontrunner and decided he didn’t need to attend the first six primaries/caucuses.

Well guess what Rudolph?

Republicans love winners. The GOP loves having an established candidate on the trail. That’s why John McCain and Mitt Romney are doing so well. Momentum is the key to winning the nomination. Skipping the first six states means you have none.

This man did everything he could possibly do wrong, he’s just like General Custer. Both men strutted into battle with a profoundly retarded strategy they were convinced would work, even though everything else said they would be annihilated. The only difference is, Custer’s been dead for 150 years, but the ashes of Rudy ’08 have yet to be dumped into the dustbin of epic failure.

In Conclusion:

If you weren’t convinced that Mitt Romney is a terrible candidate, Rush Limbaugh is supporting him.

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

With Chuck Norris supporting Huckabee, and Sylvester Stallone supporting McCain, I predict that Jean Claude Van Damme will be a Paulie.

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Was Bill Clinton Always Such An Asshole?

Well was he?

Seriously, I don’t know. My knowledge of the Clinton years is limited and second hand, and I always got the vibe that Bill Clinton was a cool guy.

But while he’s been out campaigning for Hillary, and he’s been doing it a lot, he’s extremely negative. I know he’s a politician and all, but damn Bill!

There was that fairy tale remark, and then when people ripped him over that he got even more pissy. Then he got really angry at some Obama supporter a few days ago (that blew over quickly), and now he just fucking lost it at some CNN reporter.

What is wrong with Bill Clinton?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Editor’s Note: The Tome of Communism’s coverage of the Democratic Primary Debate last night in South Carolina has been indefinitely suspended by this musical interlude, brought on by this heresy. Sing along to this family friendly song, to the tune of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”:

He’s no stranger to bitching
He’s an autistic nigger stain!
He’s got a mutilated ding-a-ling
That he jacks to the series of pain!

I just wanna tell you who this is,
Gotta make you understand

I’m singing about Gadfly
That Texan piece of shit
He loves to eat his mom’s pussy
He’s a cockslurping furry
And no he will not quit
Wearing spandex shorts with thunder thighs

He’s known his father for so long
His cock’s been aching but it’s too small to feel pain
So they fuck with four foot plastic dongs
While sucking off the neighbor’s Great Dane

And if you ask me who this is,
Don’t tell me you’re too dumb to see

I’m singing about Gadfly
That Texan piece of shit
He loves to eat his mom’s pussy
He’s a cockslurping furry
And no he will not quit
Wearing spandex shorts with thunder thighs (repeat chorus)

Mmmm, he loves cocks!
Mmmm, he loves cocks!
Always gonna slurp, always gonna slurp!
Slurp dad’s cock!
Always gonna slurp, always gonna slurp!
Slurp dad’s cock!

He dreams about sucking Tom Cruise
He wants to suck cult dick in his fursuit
He will lick up all Tom’s pre-cum ooze
And then take nutjob dick in his poop chute!

I just wanna tell you who this is,
Gotta make you understand

I’m singing about Gadfly
That Texan piece of shit
He loves to eat his mom’s pussy
He’s a cockslurping furry
And no he will not quit
Wearing spandex shorts with thunder thighs (repeat chorus twice, fade out)

Monday, January 21, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Great Scientological War of 2008 (G.S.W.08)/Project Chanology (P.C.) Erupts!

In response to the leaking and subsequent annihilation of the top-secret Tom Cruise Scientology video (T.C.S.V.) by the Church, the Mighty Red Legions of Anonymous (M.R.L.O.A.) have launched an offensive against the Church of Scientology (C.o.S.) by hacking its databases. The Tome of Communism (T.T.O.C.) is pleased to report that as of January 17th, the propaganda tool of our bourgeoisie malefactors is down! Anonymous High Command (A.H.C.) has concluded that all members of the proletariat should bathe in the blood of the crushed and defeated Hollywood Fascist Bastards (H.W.F.B.) Secrets of the CoS have been posted here for the benefit of all working peoples.

Supreme High Alpha Chieftain Jefe Thomas Cruise Mapother IV (S.H.A.C.J.T.C.M. IV) was reported to have been enraged by Anonymous’ bold January Offensive (J.O.) Emperor Cruise is currently in an intense purification rundown (I.C.R.), living on a diet of nothing but placenta and Jews for the past 72 hours. When asked why he’s leaving his church in chaos, the Fuhrer responded with incoherent mumbling as the Jew teeth and placental goo dribbled out of his gullet.

Other members of the Church Oligarchy (C.O.) and their allies in the Super Adventure Club (S.A.C.) believe that evil Lord Xenu (E.L.X.) is engineering P.C. from his super secret Volcanic base on Omicron Persei VIII (O.P.8). E.L.X. could not be reached for comment, but upon hearing word of this “slander”, Emperor Lrrr (E.L.) of O.P.8 responded by threatening to invade Los Angeles unless we present “the one [we] call S.H.A….C.M.? S.H.A.C.M.J.T.? Damn this Church and their abbreviations, bring me the crazy stupid one!”

Presuming E.L. was speaking of S.H.A.C.J.T.C.M. IV, the C.o.S. has called upon S.A.C. to bolster the C.o.S. defenses on the L.R.H. front in the upcoming Battle of Los Angeles (B.o.L.A.) The C.o.S. and S.A.C. have made it their primary objective to defend S.H.A.C.J.T.C.M. IV at all costs. A.H.C. has ordered the M.R.L.O.A. to join forces with the invasion forces of O.P.8 and smash the H.W.F.B. in their tracks before the C.o.S.’ Legal Branch (C.o.S.L.B.) can mount a counteroffensive. The O.P.8/M.R.L.O.A. have stated they are waging this war “for great justice (F.G.J.)”.

T.T.O.C. will continue to cover G.S.W.08 as the B.o.L.A. unfolds.

***Update (12:57 AM-1/21/08)*** The C.o.S. website is back online. All hope is not lost however, the website currently loads very slowly. Flying Spaghetti Monster, we need Your Saucy Might to aid the Omicronians and Anonymi in their conquest of the H.W.F.B.!

***Update (2:24 AM-1/21/08)***An orientation video, as well as another video of Tom Cruise being insane, has made it to YouTube:

Tom’s Fucktardedness
Orientation Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

In addition, there’s 40 minutes of hilarity when Tom Cruise wins some stupid medal. This is notable because it features the entire Tom Cruise video (the one that came out a few days ago and was ruthlessly deleted). This unedited version looks strikingly similar to the heavily edited and cut up version the Church said was posted…

Awards Ceremony Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

These videos will probably be gone in a few days (but you might be able to find them on Gawker, who has already told the CoS to eat a dick), so get them bef[This update is no longer available due to a copyright claim by Church of Scientology International]

***Update (10:23 AM-1/21/08)*** Respect The Cock!

***Update (5:55 PM-1/21/08)*** Scientology-dot-Org is down again! And, Lord Xenu willing, it’s out. The beast stirs once more, but it is just as profoundly retarded as S.H.A.C.J.T.C.M. IV is.

***Update (8:24 PM-1/21/08)***-Cerberus has been down for the past 90 minutes, keep it up comrades!

***Update (6:29 AM-1/22/08)*** Anonymous Speaks!

And o lawd, they’s gots a blog.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

The Kookout

Lyrics are on the JewTube video page, if you wanna grab the kids and sing along.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Nigga Please (Fuckabee’s Delicious Santorum Edition)

Ever since becoming a frontrunner, Mike Huckabee’s done some…interesting things with his campaign. He picked up endorsements from Chuck Norris and Ric Flair (Woooooooooooo!), he now infamously said the Constitution should be amended to reflect God’s standards, and then there was this little gem.

But before we get to that, allow me to take you back to 2003. Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), in an interview with an AP reporter, equated homosexuality with bestiality. The Gods of the Internet were greatly amused at his dumbshittery, and redefined “Santorum” to mean “the frothy mixture of lube, fecal matter, and/or cum sometimes left over after anal sex”.

The reason I bring up Sen. Santorum is because just the other day, everyone’s favorite Christianazi Mike Huckabee had something of a Santorum Moment:

“Well, I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and [an] animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again.”

Now sometimes you just have to wonder “what the fuck is going through this dumb shit’s mind?”What cumbucket of a brain told him to compare gay marriage (not even gay sex, just marriage) to polygamy, pedophilia, and bestiality in the 21st century?

Pundits like to say how far we’ve come, since we’ve got a viable black guy and a viable woman running for president. We obviously haven’t come that far since we’ve still got ass-backwards squirrel eating preacher-turned-presidents like Mike Fuckabee being smacked across the face with the four foot long flaccid dong of retardation and sucking that bitch dry.

Seriously, what the hell was that Huckabee? They probably said the same damn thing about interracial marriage in 1961. You know, I’ve seen my share of gay porn and never once did I see a guy getting fucked by a horse. Well, except for that one time, but Mr. Hands is was an anomaly at that. Could you even call that porn? It looked kind of painful…

I digress. The Rock should endorse Barack Obama and then kick Flair’s ass.

In Conclusion:

The “Ask a Black Dude” thing is still available if anyone who missed it wants to ask a question, or if someone wants to ask another. I was thinking about making that a monthly feature.

Listen to The Clash

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Friday, January 18, 2008

Ask A Black Dude

It’s that special time of the month again, time for Ask a Black Dude at The Tome of Communism.

By now I’m sure you know the deal: ask me a question down there in the comments section, and I’ll get to it as soon as possible. Ask any question you want, nothing is considered out of bounds.

The question can be about anything, anyplace, or anyone, including me.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

I Don’t Like Him Anymore, and I Never Liked The Other Guy

Quotation from presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, speaking to a room full of supporters:

I believe it s a lot easier to change the Constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God. And that s what we need to do is amend the Constitution so it s in God s standards, rather than trying to change God s standards so it lines up with some contemporary view of how we treat each other and how we treat the family.

I liked sweet old hospitable understanding Pastor Mike, not raving Christianazi Mike Huckabee. I liked that he was genuine, something which at the time was noticeably absent from the republican field (and still is a little bit). Maybe Mike’s been listening to John McCain’s stump speeches.

John McCain’s been saying lately that America is a nation founded on Judeo-Christian values. And that’s true, although what he (probably intentionally) fails to mention is that the values he speaks of are by no means exclusive to Judeo-Christianity. This way he can appeal to evangelicals without looking like a fundy who wants to make America a Christian (or even Deist) nation. That’s called smart campaigning.

There’s Christian republicans and secular republicans. The GOP will need both in full force to win this election. John McCain’s been covertly playing to both sides with his comments, and it’s paying off. But Huckabee making a comment like the one he did makes secular republicans run in fear. If Huckabee gets the GOP nod (which is still very possible) they can say hello to President Obama, or, FSM forbid, President Clinton.

I did once like Mike Huckabee (“like” meaning appreciate, not endorse), but I just can’t ignore something that damn dumb from a person, and something that damn unconstitutional from a presidential candidate.

In Conclusion:

There’s a leaked OT 666 video of Tom Cruise blathering on about Scientology making the rounds on the internets. It’s pretty fun to watch, but the Church keeps pulling it down. You can find the original here (for the time being anyway), and some guy with a spoken transcript of a longer version here. I’ll give you the gist-Scientologists are gods among mortals, and the rest of us suck.

Listen to Isaac Hayes from before “that fruity little club scrambled his brains”

Tell your friends about the OT 1917 Tome of Communism

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Banner of the People

I love the banner feature.

For someone who understands HTML like an infant understands AP Biology, Blogger’s banner widget thing is a godsend. I had a really good one that died with the old computer, so I threw this together in a couple of minutes. Stalin, our dear leader, was cut at the last minute. But I might make multiple banners and switch it up from time to time.

Any suggestions?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A Post About Nothing

-Tomorrow is a bad day. AP Environment exam in the morning (completely unprepared, going to fail), then a Calculus exam in the morning (it’s math, going to fail). And there aren’t any good movies out so I can’t ease the pain (legally anyway). Fuck a duck.

-I know what you’re thinking. “Well then Wooz, you’ve got a lot of studying to do!” I wish. They’ve got the consistently hilarious American idol auditions tonight and a debate on MSNBC. God damnit, what did I do to offend the Television and Semester Exam Gods?

-Speaking of exams, the AP Euro one was pretty good. Of course I can’t delve into details, since some people haven’t taken it yet, but the Napoleon essay was fun to write. I’m kind of upset I ran out of time, I was an unstoppable killing machine.

-Why are my dogs so damn gaseous lately?

-I wish more people I knew could quote good movies verbatim. They completely fucked up the end monologue from Pulp Fiction today.

-Attention anyone who puts mushrooms on a pizza: fuck you.

-Today someone told me Call of Duty 4 on veteran (really fucking hard) difficulty is easy. I call bullshit, I don’t know what the hell he was playing but it wasn’t CoD 4.

-No you stupid Canuck, I ain’t got all gold in flight school. What jew gonna do about it chazzer?

-The NBA is boring.

-As of late I’ve been listening to “Closer” by Nine Inch nails endlessly, and I’m not sure why. Reznor doesn’t exactly fit my definition of sexy.

-I can’t believe I forgot to send my AP scores to the colleges I’m applying to. I really have to call College Board tomorrow, get my AP number, and then have them send out the scores. Damnit I’m dumb.

-Since when is “damnit” not a word, spell check?

-I’m still about 2 months behind in art class. Yeah, I’m terrible.

-I know someone who’s closeted. Good for him, good for me, good for fatherland!

-I hurt my back today. I don’t know what I did or when I did it, but there’s a knot right in the middle. I’m not that old.

-My testicles itch.

-I am really fucking excited to take Philosophy next semester. Fits my interests so much better than Art and Communism Culture.

-In addition to the perversely sexy “Closer”, I’ve been downloading a lot of techno remixes lately. I got Miss Teen South Carolina, Ted “Series of Tubes” Stevens, Chris Crocker, SpiderPig, the Imperial March, Dennis Green (“The Bears are who we thought they were!”), and a few more. All of these are on JewTube, look them up if you want to hear them.

-Lately I’ve been thinking how journalistically intriguing it would be to travel back in time and attend a Nuremberg Rally, how fun it would be to be in London for V-E Day or New York for V-J Day, and how interesting it would be to be in NYC on 9/11, before and after the attacks. I’ve seen the pictures and videos but I don’t think they do the any of the atmospheres much justice.

-That’s all I have for you. I’m off to prepare for my impending failure on the exams.

Monday, January 14, 2008

An Open Letter to Senators Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Barack Obama (D-IL)

Dear Senators,

Let me start off by saying that both of you have run outstanding campaigns. Senator Obama, you were down in the polls for months and had that memorable surge of support before Iowa, leading to a historic victory in the Caucuses. Senator Clinton, you engineered an impressive comeback in five days culminating in your historic NH primary win.

I know that both of you are very viable candidates for the democratic nomination. Given that you’ve split the two states so far, I think everyone was expecting a very competitive next couple of days leading up to the South Carolina primary.

Though we all were expecting some fierce campaigning, what both of you are doing right now is…fucking retarded. Come on. Hillary, you made some dumb comment about MLK and LBJ, and Bill said Senator Obama’s war vote was “a fairy tale”. Senator Obama, how the fuck does this explode into race baiting?

Look man, I like you. I’m even supporting you. But Barack, you have to get your staffers under control. They’re helping fan these flames of stupidity. And your wife? She’s a great lady, but you had her up there in some awards show implying that Bill Clinton is a racist. Bill Clinton? Of all fucking people? The guy colloquially known as the first black president? I would expect Cindy Sheehan to don a Klansman’s robe before Bill Clinton.

Don’t you smirk Mrs. Clinton, you are not off the hook, not by a long shot. You and your cronies are just as guilty of all this stupid bullshit. Yesterday you had a certain black man by the name of Robert “Bob” Johnson on the stage, saying that:

“To me, as an African American, I am frankly insulted the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues — when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood; I won’t say what he was doing, but he said it in his book — when they have been involved.”

You had Bob Johnson, founder of Black Exploitation Television, one of the most abhorrent channels on television, stumping for you? What the fuck? Frankly I am offended that this piece of shit thinks he’s offended by something when the channel he created is churning out embarrassing horse shit disguised as entertainment. What right does Bob Johnson have to be offended? And then your campaign has to go on and say that Johnson was “referring to Obama’s years as a community organizer in Chicago”?

I am frankly insulted that your campaign, Senator Clinton, would imply that we voters are that stupid. And that’s not just mocking Bob Johnson either, I am seriously disgusted that you think we’re that dumb. What is your problem? A fifth grader would know Johnson was talking about Obama’s past drug use.

Look, you two are the first viable presidential candidates of your gender and race, partly because you’re captivating people, and partly because you’ve run your campaigns without making your gender and race a major issue. Now what the fuck are you doing? What are you morons going to do next, call Hillary a dyke? And I’m sure you’ll have your staffers leak a memo saying Barack’s a big lipped porch monkey.

Both of you are delving deep into a political Nigga Moment:

Given that you’ve both run good campaigns, I’m surprised you’re both missing an excellent opportunity to rise above all this stupid racial crap no one likes. You people are fully grown adults, at least biologically speaking. Retardation notwithstanding, it therefore follows that you are both fully mature, right? Good. Stop with your schoolyard niggardry*, and start campaigning for president.

Sincerely yours,
Frustrated Voter

*Niggardry meaning “being or acting like a nigga”, not “being niggardly”.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


This is bad.

Semester exam week, and I’m overcome with profound laziness. A kind of sloth that even we black people are unaccustomed to. This is not good.

While I am too busy avoiding typing a real post (or responding to any of the previous post’s comments, even though I did read them) enjoy some immaturity from the best thing to ever come out of Canada, Kenny vs. Spenny.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Positive Feedback Mechanism

President Bush has been on a visit to the middle east for the past few days, stopping by Israel and the other Arab states willing to talk to him. While on this trip Bush commented that he is “very hopeful” that peace negotiations between the U.S., Israel, and exiled Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas will be successful by the end of his term.

You’ll have to forgive me if it seems like I’m taking a cinder block and beating you over the head with it, but…

The brutal reality of the situation is that Hamas, to a certain extent, represents the will of a great deal of Palestinians. Otherwise Hamas wouldn’t have been voted into power in the Palestinian Legislative Council (PLC) last year. You’d think a terrorist group being democratically elected to power would signal that the American/Israeli plan for peace is a miserable failure. Shockingly yet expectedly, President Bush and Israeli P.M. Ehud Olmert continue to trudge uphill in nine feet of shit reaching for a squeegee at the top to clean things up.

The general situation is so obvious, I can sit in my bedroom in a middle class D.C. suburb and tell that the Palestinian people are sick and fucking tired of essentially being ignored. They have a right to be upset: for the past 60 years the United States has exhibited near unconditional financial, ideological, military, and moral support and favoritism for Israel. Often at the expense of Palestine. The election of a terrorist group to the PLC was a cry for help.

Because of the U.S. and Israel’s neglect of the Palestinian people, the fragile territory and hopeful country ruptured. Understandably, the majority of a desperate people turned to desperate measures and left Abbas behind. Now Bush and Olmert think they’re getting something done by negotiating with a lame duck of a pawn no one but Bush and Olmert support?

The stupidity, the stubbornness, the self-centrism is exhausting.

At the press conference, Ehud Olmert said “There will be no peace until terror is stopped.”

And the terror will not be stopped until the voiceless have their voice back.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Lyndon Johnson with Boobs?

Hillary Clinton was giving an interview to Fox News’ Major Garrett three days ago, when she drew an interesting comparison I’m surprised didn’t make more noise in the media, especially considering that she said it one day before the New Hampshire primary. She made this confounding analogy in an attempt to qualify her governmental experience as a factor in bringing change.

From Politico:

Hillary was asked about Obama’s rejoinder that there’s something vaguely un-American about dismissing hopes as false, and that it doesn’t jibe with the careers of figures like like John F. Kennedy and King.

“Dr. King’s dream began to be realized when President Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act,” Clinton said. “It took a president to get it done.”

After reading this, I am left thinking what she probably thought as soon as she said it:

“What the fuck did you just say?”

To downplay, even slightly, the role of MLK in passing the Civil Rights Act is absurd beyond imagining. And even if Johnson had not signed it, Malcolm “By Any Means Necessary” X would have gotten it done. Johnson was just in the right place at the right time to reap the historical benefits, it would have happened without him.

I’m not even sure what she was getting at with this. Is she comparing herself to an overworked old white man who loved skinny dipping and naming people after himself? Is she comparing Barack Obama to one of the greatest Americans ever/an international hero? How would either of those comparisons help her campaign?

There have been so many times when I opened my mouth and then thought “That was quite possibly the most retarded thing you’ve ever said.” I am willing to give Hillary the benefit of the doubt and I won’t hate on her for stepping on this Bouncing Betty, but I will chastise her for this painfully typical response to her Fubar Comment:

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. led a movement — he was gassed, he was beaten, he was jailed – and he gave a speeh that was one of the most beautifully, profoundly important speeches ever delivered in America, the “I have a dream” speech…. And hten he worked with President Johnson to get the civil rights law passed, because the dream couldn t be realized until it was legally permissible for people of all races and colors and background to be recognized as citizens.

Whatever happened to Authentic Hillary from a few days ago? Be honest, be real. This sounds like a politician’s response, not a human being’s.

Okay, I’m done giving the Clinton campaign advice.

In Conclusion:

Who keeps taking these awful pictures of Hillary Clinton? And why?

Listen to Jimi Hendrix

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


She won the New Hampshire primary.

A minor setback, Obama was only behind by 3 points-about 8,000 votes. Pretty small considering 220,000 people voted in the democratic primary.

There’s a multitude of reasons, most prominent among them John McCain’s courting of independents and of course Hillary’s near-crying stunt/breakdown, but this primary was more of Hillary winning than Obama losing.

Nevertheless, the Clinton campaign is definitely not dead, and neither is Obama’s. He’s got to do what he’s been doing excellently so far, but I’d suggest moving away from general change rhetoric (why is “rhetoric” a dirty word?), and moving towards stumping on specific issues while keeping the same uplifting message of the general speeches. However, Obama has to be very careful that he does not overdo it, that he does not bury the listener in change. That’s Mitt Romney’s problem. When he speaks of change it sounds superficial.

Speaking of Mitt Romney, I hate that fake son of a bitch. Everything he does is so pre-planned, so contrived, so unbelievable. Now he’s on the stump, drowning people in “change” like ants in a bucket of water. The only thing Mitt Romney ever changes is campaign modes (the man has probably said the word “change” hundreds of times in the last 7 days, compared to never in the previous 358) and his positions on, well, everything.

Give it up Mitt, voters find you nauseating. I might even consider a vote for Stalin before a vote for you. At least you know what Stalin’s going to do, everything’s a guessing game with Roulette Romney. Too bad it’s not Russian Roulette.

I’m feeling tired and irate. I’ve got homework, maybe an application, and then I’m going to bed.

In Conclusion:

God damn Mitt Romney. I hate that guy more than I hate Hillary.

Listen to Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann, your Senior Drill Instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be “Sir”. Do you maggots understand that?

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

It’s A Trap!

It’s hard to believe the woman who said this on Saturday night:

Also said this on Monday:
Now I’ll admit, it was a bit hard to swallow since I do not like Hillary Clinton at all, but if I were more open to her I could see myself believing the first bit of the ‘crying’ response. But as soon as she went into “but some of us are right and some of us are wrong”, she would have lost me.

Everything she said there, coincidentally when she began to regain her voice (before losing it again), was a rather obvious attack on Obama, who she has routinely cited as bot being ready for the presidency. And if that’s not enough to convince you that this was a little bit of an act, bear this in mind.

She’s a Clinton.

She’s an expert politician and an expert campaigner. She knows what she’s doing out there, and she definitely wants the job very badly, almost to the point of believing ‘it’s her turn’. And here’s where the “a little bit” part comes in.

Throughout the spring and summer she had this aura of inevitability around her that no one was able to peer through. Republicans even automatically assumed she was the democratic nominee. Then again, after a few days of surging support they’re talking about Obama being the nominee so I guess that doesn’t mean much. After being indisputably on top for so long, she’s probably taking being in second place pretty hard, which explains Mrs. Clinton’s new bi polar face.

Regardless of this apparent instability from her, Hillary Clinton is still a very dangerous foe. She clearly knows what she is saying and doing out there. Despite Bill Clinton’s surprisingly aggressive attacks on Obama during the “soft, feminine” molting stage of Hillary Clinton, she is in full control of her campaign.

How will people react to the new-new, but still very potent Senator Clinton? We’ll find out in a few hours.

Monday, January 7, 2008

The Negro Votes For The Negro

Since announcing my support for Barack Obama a few days ago a couple of people have gotten the impression that I plan on voting for him because of a similarity not in positions, but in skin color. Normally this wouldn’t faze me too much, but it was some slimy anonymous shit who was here for all of 30 seconds before coming to this conclusion with no apparent support for it.

I’m not going to lie to you. I see color, and anyone saying otherwise about themselves is lying. It’s about whether or not you take color into consideration when making a decision, and I do not. I am voting for Obama because I feel that he has the best capability to close the partisan divide and bring the country together. He has done what no one on either side has done in a long time, bring independents en masse and even some members of an opposing party over to vote for him.

For me, partisanship might as well be the issue of the election. This rip in the American fabric is the #1 obstacle to getting anything done in Congress and the #1 cause of such vicious hate from conservatives and liberals being aimed at each other and anyone in between. Close that gap and the government can actually get things done to fix this country, and all 300,000,000 of us can actually get back to being one people. This is of the utmost importance, and Obama is the most capable of doing this.

The opportunity to make history, to elect the first black president, is obvious. But it is honestly not a factor in my vote. Hillary Clinton or Rudy Giuliani being black, or brown, or yellow, or red, or neon green would not sway me from my opposition to them. Barack Obama being a white man named John Smith would not sway me from my support of him, so long as he could still unite a country in truly desperate need of it.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

It Was a Very Bad Week

Or more accurately, it will be a very bad week. At least that’s the feeling persisting in my gut.

This is the last week running up to semester exams. The exams themselves, aside from being dull beyond all description, are not that worrisome. Rather, it is the onslaught of work teachers are going to throw at us. They did it before winter break, and they’ll probably do it this week.

And then there’s the college admissions process. I have to go down to the post office and get penny stamps because the envelopes I give to the registrar need 83 cents postage. Completely random number, I know. Then I have to fill out the applications, write the essays, fret over them for a bit (it’s inevitable) and then send it all in, chewing my balls off in nervousness until April.

Now I’m sitting here typing this, watching Rudy Giuliani lick Ronald Reagan’s cum off the floor, Mitt Romney and everyone else bicker like kindergarteners (I’m waiting for Huckabee to call Romney a doodieface) over the most insignificant things, and the whole panel gang-raping Ron Paul because it’s the hip thing to do on the replay of that ABC/Facebook debate. It’s so frustrating that grown men aspiring to be president are up there bitching and moaning about semantics when there’s actual issues to be discussed.

And if I see that god damn Viagra Band one more time…

I have to stop before I give myself an aneurysm. I’m going to bed.

And Obama’s apparently up by 10 points over Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Bring Me Todd Collins’ Head On A Stick

Let me paint a picture for you.

There’s roughly 8 minutes to go in the 4th quarter. It’s a playoff game. The team has a 1st down, just inside enemy territory. The team’s only down by 1 touchdown, visiting in a noisy stadium. Plenty of time, no pressure. Play it cool.

The ball is hiked.

And the QB throws deep-not just deep, deep into the wind-to a receiver being covered by two men.

Yeah, what the fucking fuck Todd? I’m sorry man but I cannot forgive that, what the hell was that bullshit out there? I want to meet the brain cell that thought such a master plan up, and cut it up with a god damn industrial strength buzz saw. What the hell dude, what the hell?

God damnit, this happens way too often us.

Oh well, at least we beat the Dullass KKKowboys.

Still, fuck! Shit shit fuck! Fuck!