2008 02 01 archive

Showing newest 19 of 27 posts from February 2008. Show older posts
Showing newest 19 of 27 posts from February 2008. Show older posts

Friday, February 29, 2008

Barack Obollywood

Because I’ve had a turd of a week and I have to start and finish Kim Jong Il, Pokemon Master by Monday. I know it’s been done, but a) I had the idea before I knew about the online pic, and b) mine will be different anyway.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Rhyme Time 8

Mast: Pass:Mass: Glass:Gas:Harass:Grass:Lass:Class:Brass: Jackass:I love my shoes.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

As Promised, Art Crap.

See? I can too keep a promise.

Right now I’m working on my concentration, as I previously mentioned. But before that, last year I was doing breadth pieces-a variety of pieces done in a variety of mediums. This includes pastels, pencils, charcoal, and paints. But I’m autistic instead of artistic with paints, so you won’t be seeing any of that.
This here was one of the first things I did last year. Rather obviously it’s a skeleton playing a purple guitar. It was Halloween and the art teacher figured a skeleton would be timely. This was in chalk pastels, specifically Nupastels. Great stuff. Expensive, but great.And this was one of the last things I did last year. It was a “gestural drawing” of the art teacher, except she wasn’t smoking. It’s not the greatest quality but I’ve always liked the distortion present, with the leaning buildings and out-of-whack perspective. This was charcoal, and only took two or three days.This was a modulation (repetition of a design), done I think towards the end of the year. I used pens, Sharpies, and African-American Pencils. Apparently it was good enough to be featured in the school’s art show. Didn’t win anything though. Fuckheads.This I started last year in my Spanish class and have yet to finish. This…whatever this is…came to me as I was doing it, but I don’t know what to to fill the amoeboid white spaces with. I want to keep the white in the swirls intact. I also have to touch up the swirls, I just noticed they’re uneven. I was thinking about exploring other mediums-glitter, tissue paper, colored plastics, stitching, etc.I didn’t do this-in fact, I don’t know who did it or when. But I’ve always liked it. The Blue cloud thing on the right, you can’t see all of it, was done by a friend. She does a lot of colorful modulation-y stuff. And sorry for the blurry picture.

And thus we segway into Year 2. Yes, I did do more stuff the first year but honestly I think it’s so shittacular that I don’t want to post it. Okay? Okay!This is a portrait/propaganda poster of The Slav, done in the colors of the motherland. The idea came to me last year when I took the picture of him for it, but I never got around to doing it until this year. The red and yellow is in Sharpie and Prismacolor marker (because they didn’t have a red PC marker at the art store), and everything else is in acrylic paint. Okay, I lied. You saw my painting handiwork. If I finish it before the AP exam in May, it’ll probably go in as a breadth piece. The Slav wants to keep it, but I’ll probably just make him a copy.My first concentration piece, Springtime for Hitler. This thing took forever. I used Sharpies, African-American Pencils, acrylic paints, regular pencils, some anonymous gold and silver markers, and sparkly star stickers for the hammer and sickle on the flag, and the base of the eagle’s wings. There’s also a solitary gold star in the middle of the center swastika.

If you’re asking why Hello Kitty is there, I thought there needed to be something in that space so I picked Hello Kitty. SfH also features a drug pacifier with the Fuhrer’s initials on it, hot pink swastika earrings, rainbow afro (with pick), blush, eyeshadow, and lipstick, a hook for a hand, and the famous “Stop-Hammertime!” watch. It’s always Hammertime.

My concentration is “Leaders and the Cultures They Represent”. If you read into Nazism and what they believed in and dabbled in, their movement fleshes out to be very eccentric, to say the least. Rather than taking the evil route that’s been taken before, I took the comedic route and made it eccentrically funny.Concentration piece no. 2, Rock the Casbah. The obese Muslim was originally supposed to be Ayatollah Khomeini, but later I decided to switch him to Osama bin Laden since he’s more relevant nowadays. However, longing for my original idea I sort of switched him back to the Ayatollah. Before I send the slides to the AP people I’ll probably have to touch the face up a bit.

Anyway, you may have noticed the minaret. It’s been completely raped by McDonalds, with the sign reading “Over 99 Billion Infidels Served”. On the minaret, the Hamburglar has just stolen a burger. Mayor McCheese is most unhappy, and is yelling from the top “Stop, thief!” Retarded Grimace and Ronald McDonald (on acid) are scared and worried about the situation. Also, there’s a giant American flag atop the tower. Red, white, and blue F-16s soar over the reddened sky and the french fry palm tree as the Ayatollah looks on in his beer turban and USA shirt most distressed.

RtC is supposed to represent not only the arrogance of western, specifically American, foreign policy in the middle east, but also the extent to which this aggression can attempt to permeate culture. The scowl on the Ayatollah’s face obviously conveys his dissatisfaction with the situation, and his festering anger, which has led to a whole host of problems for the U.S.Concentration piece no. 3, iLenin. This is rather obviously still a work in progress. As the name suggests, this is a portrait of ol’ Vlad Lenin drinking an old-school Coke bottle and listening to an iPod (haven’t figured out what song yet). The background is based off of Edward Hopper’s Early Sunday Morning I first saw at the gallery (when we took the Fuck Canada pictures).

This is actually somewhat related to RtC, in that it too mirrors the westernization of a once radically different culture. Except in Russia (at least in the cities, don’t know about rural areas) the westernization has been more welcome, probably because the Soviet Union sucked for so many people towards its end.

You can’t really see it, but I’m going to crop the picture along lines to zoom in and emphasize Lenin’s presence in the picture. Communism is about the group, whereas Capitalism is about the individual. Also, the AP art people dig negative space. I picked Early Sunday Morning for the background because it’s a very lonely, desolate painting which, again, bolds Lenin’s separation from group and communist thinking.

I also meant to post my sketchbook, but I couldn’t find it. Such is the life of a Second Semester Senior.

Well that’s all I’ve got for you, depending on the response I’ll post more as I make more.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Open Thread

Because I can.

And because I’m tired.

Really tired.

And because a blackout in Florida is not nationwide breaking news.

Monday, February 25, 2008

One of Nature’s Mysteries!

Hillary Clinton has become an interesting character.

After losing a restrained debate with Obama on the 21st, she very awkwardly and angrily talked down on Obama by saying “shame on you” in reference to some mailings the campaign sent out. I say awkwardly because Sen. Clinton’s past puts her in no position to condemn anybody, but I suppose this is politics.

And then on Sunday, we saw Hillary mocking Obama’s campaign theme in Rhode Island:

“I could stand up here and say, let’s just get everybody together, let’s get unified, the sky will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be singing, and everyone will know we should do the right thing, and the world will be perfect…You are not going to wave a magic wand and have the special interests disappear.”

And if that weren’t enough, according to the Drudge Report, Clinton campaign staffers have been circulating a photo of Obama dressed as, well, a Muslim. At least that’s how people will read it, since turban=Muslim in the small minded masses.

I have to say, I don’t know what the hell is going on in the Hillary camp. Going negative has repeatedly failed for her, and did so spectacularly in South Carolina. So what do they do? Scold the man like he’s her grandson, mock him like they’re in 4th grade, and then allegedly insinuate that he’s ‘one of them thar Mooslims’, something “straight out of Karl Rove’s playbook.”

Especially after losing that debate, the Clinton campaign clutching for the Oh Shit Bar. After making so many arguments-she’s ready for a fight, she’s withstood the “‘Republican attack machine”, she best represents Democratic values, she has “35 years of experience”*, she’s ready on day one, she’s the true candidate of change, she’s the strongest against John McCain-they’ve all failed and some have even backfired in the face of Obamamania.

Sorry Hillary, maybe in 2012.

In Conclusion:

*An odd argument to make, since most of those 35 years come from tenures as First Lady of Arkansas and the United States. One does not gain experience through osmosis. In terms of actual time served in public office, Hillary and Obama have very comparable records.

Listen to the Gorillaz

All of my good friends have nicknames: there’s the Fuhrer, Jew, Boss Nigger, White Thunder, and yours truly, Gumbo Steve. We need two more people to make The Magnificent Seven.

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

This Shit Again?

It has been a very facepalmerific past few days.

Questions regarding Barack Obama’s patriotism have resurfaced.

You know what? This stupid shit isn’t even worth a whole post. Bottom line, Obama’s not a terrorist and he’s not a ‘Mooslim’ (not like it matters anyway). He’s plenty patriotic, otherwise he wouldn’t be running for President dipshit cumstain. I just wish he could say those words without sinking his campaign.

Let’s move on to something more pleasant.

Sunday, February 24, 2008


Do you have any idea how hard it was to find these in a size 12*? They’re a promotional item from the release of Jackass Number Two-way back in 2006. Finally found them on eBay last night, bought them from some Hawaiian guy with broken English. I hope he sends them out soon and they get here in no less than pristine condition. There are four things of a black man that you do not mess with: his chicken, his car, his woman, and his shoes.

6 out of 10 nigga moments involve sneakers.

*I usually wear size 13 but size 12 Chucks have, strangely enough, always fit well.
I’ve been working somewhat diligently on my concentration in art. In AP lingo, a concentration is a series of 12 pieces that have something strong in common tying them all together. Mine is ‘leaders and the cultures they represent’. I’ll be posting two pieces later in the week, stay tuned if you give a damn.
I am still addicted to Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream. A trembling kneed Colgasm.
Yesterday Hillary Clinton was quoted as saying “Shame on you, Barack Obama” in reference to a series of mailings by the Obama campaign attacking her healthcare plan and NAFTA stance. I didn’t know it was possible to have PMS at 61. She needs a Colgasm.
About my new phone, I’ve been spending too much time making ringtones for it. I’ve got the Boss Nigger theme, Stomp ‘Em In The Nuts, Springtime for Hitler, and more.
About that Cambridge thing I announced an eternity ago…my mom insists on calling for more info before dropping thousands of dollars. However the regional office that’s supposed to handle these questions never answers their phone, so we had to call Jolly Olde England. Haven’t paid any money yet, but will more likely than not go. Will keep you posted.
I read a Harry Potter slashfic yesterday. Weirdest thing ever. Ever.
If the political scene stays as terminally dull as it has been lately, I’ll post the rest of those photos from Minnesota sometime soon. Also, last weekend we went to the JFK center downtown for an exhibition with Japan’s creepy robots. Will post those pictures (and maybe a video) as well, again depending on the politics of the moment.
Anybody here on facebookkk?
Can anyone give an argument for continuing the Cuban embargo? And don’t give me that democratic reforms crap, the Chinese sent Type 59 tanks after students, along with other regular infringements of freedoms, and we do hundreds of billions of dollars in trade with them annually.
Tape donations for the Tape Ball are always welcome (take the hint). Masking tape only, accept no substitutions.
I still don’t know how some guys can bring themselves to shave their balls. The terror of fucking up…

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Nader ’08?

Apparently so.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Give Stalin All Your Lovin’

Ever since my AP Euro teacher started playing it to announce quizzes, I’ve had an unshakable addiction to the Soviet National Anthem. I’ve got the regular version, the techno remix, Stalin’s version in English, an acoustic guitar version, a reggae version, a hard rock version, a Disney version, and the Star Spangled Banner sung over the music.

So imagine my joy when I found the Leningrad Cowboys. They’re a Finnish rock band that does some original stuff, some folk songs, but is perhaps best known for covering western classic rock songs. Oh, and they work with the Red Army Choir.

Speaking of communism, last night Hillary Clinton did exactly what she could not afford to do. That debate was her real chance to knock Obama off his pedestal, and the debate came out a draw. And the frontrunner always wins draws. I know they say “don’t count out a Clinton”, but this is an asthmatic woman climbing Mount Everest. It’ll be an interesting week.

In Conclusion:

I finally ditched my Sprint contract and got Verizon, and a new phone. First thing I did? Soviet National Ringtone.

Listen to Joseph Stalin and the Revolution Rockers

Tell your friends about The Tome of Communism

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Wash Yo Nutz

How about this? On a day where the first big scandal of the 2008 Presidential race broke, rioters set fire to the U.S. Embassy in Serbia, a missile launch to kill a dead satellite terrifies the Chinese, and a debate of the utmost importance to the Clinton campaign occurs, I get slapped with the four foot long flaccid dong of writer’s block.

Hear what a woman has to say about male hygiene.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Don’t Stop Me Now

That Giuliani strategy is really paying off for her.

Everyone knew Obama would win Hawaii, since it is his home state. But Wisconsin was a different story. Wisconsin was replete with high school educated, blue collar, unionized, female democrats. Wisconsin was supposed to be a tight contest.

Though polls are inherently called into question after New Hampshire, they had him leading her by a statistically insignificant margin. Just a few percentage points, nothing major.

He beat her by 17 points, with this and Hawaii making 10 straight victories in a previously momentum-less campaign.

Just like in Maryland and Virginia, Obama won that decisive margin by biting into her base. And you can’t forget that M word.

This is definitely his race to lose, and he’s running too good a campaign to flop.

I don’t see how she can stop him.

Update: Best post ever.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

-Percy Bysshe Shelley (1792-1822)

Monday, February 18, 2008

Jungle Boogie

After delaying his trip due to Congress’ blasphemic refusal to renew a warrantless wiretapping bill, President Bush is on a five-nation tour of Africa. He’s visited/visiting Benin, Tanzania, Rwanda, Ghana, and Liberia.

Aside from the hilarity that is Bush’s AIDS fighting campaign (30% of all funds must go to abstinence-only programs) this tour seems like one giant photo op.

I’m not getting the sense that he’s sufficiently tackling any major problems, namely violence in Kenya-which could easily turn to genocide-and an already active genocide in Darfur. All he really did was shoo away Condoleezza Rice to Nairobi so she could tell Kenyan leaders to quit their bitching, as if that will work, and say that the U.S. will help move peacekeepers to Darfur.

On this PR tour he’s dancing around very important issues while people are dying in the streets. I can commend him for at least taking on the AIDS issue, no matter how incompetently, and for announcing a mosquito net program to combat malaria. But sending away an ineffective Secretary of State to deal with a fragile, explosive issue reeks of incompetence and largely ignoring what the U.S. has officially termed a genocide reeks of indifference.

Especially when one of the reasons for plunging into Iraq was to bring a genocider to justice.

Bush has yet to visit Rwanda, site of the 1994 genocide that killed approximately 1,000,000 people in 100 days. There, of all places, it will be difficult to boogie his way around 400,000 dead people. Maybe there he plans to make an announcement about a bold policy to deal with the issue. But probably not. Or maybe there journalists can grill some real answers out of him. But probably not.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Ask A Black Dude

It’s that special time of the month again here at The Tome, it’s time for Ask A Black Dude.

If you don’t know the deal by now, you’re either new or retarded. Ask me any number of questions about anything and I’ll answer them. All questions and answers are found in the comments, don’t email me any questions (unless it’s something you don’t want other people seeing you ask, perv).

This will be the top post through Sunday, so do not panic.

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Pep Rally Vibrator

Sunday was The Slav’s birthday.

As I’ve said repeatedly, he is flamingly metrosexual and if you didn’t know him you might think he was gay. So, for presents I went to Spencer’s and bought him a rainbow penis pop (with creamy insides), some penis gummies, three extra-small condoms, a card featuring a naked man with a ball maze over his crotch, and a copy of Mein Kampf, since his unwanted aliases are Mein F hrer and The Slavanazi. And then there was the crown jewel.

A seven-inch vibrating banana. Multi-speed.

Oddly, he accepted all of the gifts with the exception of the vibrator (and the card). So then I was left with a vibrator in my backpack. What the hell was I going to do with that?

At the end of the day I brought it out at one of RM’s signature lackluster pep rallies in the gym. I was just turning it on and shoving it in my friends’ faces watching them squirm. And then as I was stuffing it in my backpack (imagine the awkwardness of being caught waving a vibrator around by an administrator), Chris saw it.

After some persuasion I turned the vibe on max, handed it to him, and he hurled it onto the gym floor down below in the middle of the pep rally. It hit the ground just past the sidelines and began vibrating its way towards the desk where student organizers were sitting. They did their best to ignore it, but they’re only 17. Later on it changed course towards center court, and then the staff kicked it out of view and later threw it in the trash. We were dying laughing in the bleachers.

And if that weren’t enough, one of the cheerleaders fell while they were being held up by the rest of the squad.

All in all, a good end to a good day.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Hillary Clinton D.V.D.A.

No, this is not a post about Hillary Clinton porn. You are a dirty freak for anticipating Hillary Clinton porn. What is wrong with you?

Rather, it’s that time of year again. More savage raping by homework. Barely any time to post, let alone string together good sentences.

For weeks Hillary Clinton’s lead in the Democratic contest was sustained by superdelegates only, Obama overcame her in the pledged delegate vote either on or just before Super Tuesday (I think). What does this say about the Clintons and the Democratic party?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

It’s the Simple Things Really.

A man’s death has never been funnier.

I found it here.

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Giulianian Candidate

Everybody remembers Rudy Giuliani’s spectacular failure of a presidential campaign. How could you forget? They guy was the national frontrunner for months, decided to let his opponents rack up wins and momentum in the first 6 states, and put everything on Florida. He came in a distant 3rd, almost 4th, and then dropped out the next day.

Giuliani’s Geriatric Strategy is the stuff of legend; the kind of thing no candidate from city councilman to president will ever forget. Surely she remembers it, but a certain presidential candidate seems to be letting herself pull a Giulianian move.

Ever since last week’s Super Tuesday, Senator Clinton did not campaign much in Louisiana, Nebraska, or Washington state. Naturally, all of those states went for Senator Obama by margins ranging from considerable to crushing. Even the white working class Maine, voters which usually go for Hillary, voted for Obama on Sunday.

It’s been a week since Hillary Clinton’s last victory. That doesn’t seem like a long time to you and me, but to the media hype machine that’s an eternity. Yes, Hillary is still in the news but Obama’s in it more often. Every time Obama’s name is mentioned, it’s “win”, “win”, “win”. Hillary? Not so much.

As of late in this media eternity, Hillary’s been campaigning in my neck of the woods, just as much as Obama. But given that Obama’s poised to win the so-called Potomac Primaries handily, the Clinton campaign is already downplaying my importance in favor of later states like Ohio, Texas, and Pennsylvania.

Hillary Clinton is playing a dangerous game with her presidential run at stake. Her challenger is racking up wins and momentum at a quick pace while her spin machine puts importance on later primaries. This should be sounding very familiar.

Let me say this now-don’t count her out. Her campaign has two Clintons, herself and Bill, on the team. The family name speaks for itself. But the trends cannot be ignored: as of now, the immediate electoral outlook for the Clinton campaign is bleak at best. Her best hope for slowing Obamamania before March is the Wisconsin primary on the 19th, but even that will be a challenge with the demographically even playing field.

This Giulianian move is too perilous to have been made by her campaign without the Clintons planning it carefully. Again, don’t leave her for dead just yet. These next few weeks will be very interesting to say the least.

Mr. Woozie is a Man Who Insists on Hearing Bad News Immediately.

Now this is exciting.

The first time I’m eligible to vote, it’s for a presidential primary to determine a candidate in arguably one of the most important presidential elections ever, and the rather late primary in wee little Maryland will actually matter for once.

It’s just too bad that I can’t vote in it. Maryland has closed primaries, meaning independents can’t vote in the primaries.

I’m not going to change party affiliation any time soon either, I chose “independent” because both the Republican and Democratic parties are embarrassingly inept and profoundly retarded and I don’t want to be a registered member of either.

Such are the woes of a non-affiliated voter. I guess I’ll just have to sit back and watch Obama win Maryland on the news.