day lols died

Billy Mays, infomercial and internet royalty, has died. He was 50.

If America were a bearded middle aged white man with a loud, obnoxious voice commanding your attention and trying to get you to buy something (who are we kidding, that is America), then Billy Mays was the majestic eagle soaring over the suburban mega-mall and crapping on the BMW’s in the parking lot. And with that precious eagle now extinct, all we have is Vince the garden variety ShamWow pigeon. There can be only one Billy Mays.

In addiction to being an infomercial personality, Billy was an internet (read:4chan) icon. Fox News, the it-getters that they are, clearly understand this as they cast aside yet another South American military coup to devote Sunday’s headlines to the one and only Billy Mays–and in all caps too; he would have approved. Fox’s storied relationship with 4chan, tracing back to hackers on steroids and corruptions of “lol”, is one of but a few support mechanisms the internet community has in troubled times like these. Now who will yell at us through the television and computer screens? Where will the internet get its infolols from now? Today the internet weeps, for it has lost one of its few heroes.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to buy some Mighty Putty. To mend my soul.